Page 50 of Dark Room Junkie

I massaged my forehead, kept my mouth shut, and tried to focus on something else. Not only was my heart pounding wildly, but there was also a gaping emptiness in my stomach, which wasn’t surprising, considering all I had eaten today was a sandwich.

Maybe I should just get the thing with Alex over with and then get a kebab on Langstrasse. That’s sensible.

***

Everything seemed somehow different to me—not just Alex, but his apartment too. Sitting on the couch, I looked out over nighttime Zurich toward downtown, trying not to let my nervousness show.

What am I doing here, damn it?

As I gazed around the room, I spotted a strange box on the coffee table. It looked peculiar, and I couldn’t figure out what it was, so I picked it up and turned it over in my hands. The box had a lid, but there was nothing inside. There was a small hole in the bottom, about the size of a pin, which could be closed from the outside with a flap. When Alex came out of the bathroom, I held up the thing.

“What’s this?”

“Oh ... a camera obscura,” he said, relieved that our conversation started with something he was familiar with. Still, he remained slightly bewildered standing next to me and took the cardboard box from my hand. “It’s for taking photos. I can show you if you want.”

I squinted my eyes, puzzled. “Photos?”

“Yeah, that’s the basic principle of photography.” He removed the lid and held it up. “I put the paper in here. And here”—he pointed at the small hole in the box—“the light comes in. It falls onto the photo paper and reproduces the environment. Wait here. I’ll be right back.”

I didn’t understand what he was talking about. Shortly afterward, he returned with the box. To my surprise, he turned on all the lamps, almost flooding the living room with light.Romance is probably not on the agenda, I thought and couldn’t help but smirk.

“Sorry,” Alex said, placing the box on the table in front of us. “But we need all the light we can get.”

I stayed in the same spot as he loosened the flap from the small hole and walked around the sofa, before finally standing behind me.

“What do I need to do?” I asked, my eyes darting from side to side.

“Nothing,” he replied, leaning slightly down toward me. “Just sit like that—for the next three minutes.”

The way he whispered his words so close to my ear sent a cold shiver down my spine, making me tense up. It was hard for me to focus on the black box. Alex’s scent filled my nose, and I felt his breath on my neck.

Damn it, Alex!

Three minutes?

I wanted to jump up, but I had no idea what would come next. Should I flee the apartment? Or drag Alex into the bedroom and finally fuck?

Time stood still. I became a statue, while a storm raged inside me. Hearing Alex’s uneven breath next to my ear was only a faint comfort. It wasn’t until I felt his warmth radiating onto me that I managed to relax a bit.

True relief, however, only came when he straightened up and disappeared into the darkroom with the camera. Completely exhausted, I collapsed onto the cushion. As tumultuous as the situation had been, it left behind a strangely intimate energy. It had felt good to feel Alex behind me. His presence had a calming effect on me and even helped me endure the time.

“It turned out well,” he said when he emerged from the darkroom with a photo in his hand. “You can have it.”

Sitting up, I reached for the picture in his hand.

The paper was still damp and slightly sticky, but the photo clearly showed the two of us. Reversed. Me on the couch and Alex behind me, his head over my left shoulder. We both looked serious, yet there were so many emotions hidden in our eyes, our posture, and our closeness.

“I can’t accept this,” I said immediately, wanting to give it back to him.

“Of course you can. It’s an original. Keep it.”

As I stared at the picture, my racing heart made itself known again. I breathed unevenly. “Thank you.” My voice was only a whisper and sounded too melancholic, so I pushed aside all those strange feelings and put on my charming smile.

Alex, however, seemed more serious than ever. He stood there motionless, with a solemn expression. “I’m really sorry I dragged you to that party,” he said, his voice tinged with shame. “It was absolutely idiotic of me. I wasn’t thinking. Obviously, I had a completely wrong perception of you.”

“How did you come to think that I ...? I mean ... I don’t even drink alcohol.”

Alex raised his eyebrows and laughed incredulously. “What you had in your glass at Hyde clearly looked like gin and tonic or whatever.”

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