Page 46 of Dark Room Junkie

“Well, if we’re going to replace you, let’s do it properly.”

“He’s not replacing me,” I said dryly.

Tom paused the game and looked at me. “No, he’s just filling in for you on tour. I promise. But that’s three months. You can call it replacing.”

“Maybe.”

“You still haven’t grasped it, have you? You’re going on tour, man! You’re set for three months. You’ll have food every day, a warm bed, and music! How cool is that?”

“Yeah, sure. I …” Shaking my head, I furrowed my brow. “I have no idea what that means. Everything happened so fast. The songs are in the bag, and in three weeks, there’s a freaking album release party. How am I supposed to go on tour then?”

“I’m happy for you,” Tom said, putting the controller down. “Really. You’ve worked so hard for this.”

“Thanks.” I got up and returned the empty bowl to the kitchen. There was a jug of fresh tea, from which I poured myself a cup, and retreated to the living room. While eating had made me feel a little better, I still took another pill. After swallowing it, I reached for my phone and scrolled through the news.

“Are you okay?” Tom asked out of the blue.

I looked at him and masked his concerned tone with a smile. “Yeah.”

“Do you have enough money? I mean … tough weeks are ahead of you.”

“Yeah, I’ve been able to set aside some money. And otherwise, I still have the emergency stash.”

“You mean your mom’s benzos. No, that’s not a solution.”

“Do you have a better idea?”

Tom shook his head but kept his concerned gaze on me, so I glanced back at my phone.

“Why are you still wearing that leather jacket?” he asked, and I gave him an irritated look. “It’s freezing outside. Remember last year when Pascal gave you a coat?”

“You don’t miss a thing,” I grumbled.

“And?”

“Guess three times. She obviously sold it.”

“Oh no.”

“It’s my own fault. I should’ve stored it somewhere else.”

“That’s bullshit!” Tom exclaimed angrily. “And you know it. I can see your hand.”

I took a deep breath but didn’t say anything about it. Moments like these left me at a loss. I felt a deep shame in me, and I was completely vulnerable to it. Tom knew I didn’t like to talk about such things, but he was also the one who had shown me that it was okay to talk about them. “That was last night,” I said, peering at my broken hand. “I was just angry. That’s all.”

Out of nowhere, Alex snuck back into my thoughts. I knew those parties lasted for several days. The means were openly available. As much as I wanted to convince myself that Alex truly didn’t know what was going on there, the way he was greeted by those guys spoke otherwise.

“You seem down,” Tom remarked.

“It’s nothing. I’m fine.”

“And what’s up with this Alex? Do you like him?”

“Where is this coming from all of a sudden?”

“I know you.”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “He can go to hell.”

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