Page 44 of Dark Room Junkie

“You’ve lost weight, Noé. There’s still lasagna from yesterday.”

“I just want to sleep,” I said. I knew that the longer I stayed in the kitchen with him, the more awkward the conversations would become.I was actually trying to avoid that, but it seemed like Tom knew that too. Maybe that’s why he quickly put the bowl in the microwave.

I was at his mercy, and I was hungry. I was even more grateful that he didn’t serve me the lasagna too hot. It was a huge portion, easily enough for two, and as much as I would have liked to devour it in just a few bites, I was hesitant to attempt it. My stomach had often taken revenge for my ravenous appetite afterward, so I ate slowly.

Meanwhile, Tom boiled some water and made tea. He watched me closely and could see that holding the fork was painful for me.

“Are you going to tell me what happened?” he asked once he sat down on the chair across from me.

I knew this question was coming, yet I somehow wasn’t prepared for it. I stared at the almost empty plate for a while.

“A chemsex party,” I muttered, shoving the next bite into my mouth as if to shut myself up.

It still baffled me that in an attempt to escape the drug scene at home, I ended up in another one. And with Alex, of all people! Damn! How could I be so deceived by him? Even though sex with him had always been a silent battle, one I had lost every time—Fuck, man!—I still somehow felt comfortable with him. The thought of him participating in a damn sex orgy right now made me sick, so I tried not to dwell on it—after all, I wanted to keep my food down. And Alex was old enough. He could do whatever he wanted.

Tom was quiet. After another bite, I glanced up and saw him staring at me with his mouth open.

“Shit,” he managed to say, not knowing whether to laugh or not. “But ... What? Isn’t that ...? That’s where guys get together to take drugs and ... How did you end up there? We were just at Hyde.”

I fell silent and concentrated on the lasagna again.

“Don’t tell me you ... What? With Alex?”

The fact that I just shoved a fork in my mouth was all he needed to know.

“Alex? The photographer who looks like ...”

He couldn’t think of anything, so I helped him out. “Clark Kent?”

Tom burst out laughing. “Really now? I thought if he was going to a party, it was to play chess. But chemsex?”

I was on the verge of being able to laugh with him, but there was a part of me that resisted. It was as if a wave of disappointment was trying to engulf me, but I didn’t allow it. Besides, it was just Alex. The guy with the most comfortable bed I’ve come across in months. But it was my silence that made Tom pause.

“He caught you off guard there,” he said.

“Haha,” I forced a chuckle and finished the last bite.

“With the one thing that can break you,” Tom said, his voice full of compassion. “It’s good that you called.”

But I wasn’t so sure anymore and rubbed my cheeks. “Damn it, Tom. There was this one moment when I even thought about staying.”

“But you left. That’s good.”

“It doesn’t feel like it right now. I feel like I’ve lost everything.”

“Everything?” Tom frowned. After a while, he leaned back and clasped his hands behind his head. “You must like Alex more than you think.”

“Nonsense. We hardly know each other. No. Apparently, I don’t know him at all. We’ve only slept together twice, that’s all.”

“If you say so,” he said, unconvinced.

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Yeah, I know,” he said bluntly, putting the empty plate in the dishwasher. “Mia laid out the blanket. Get some rest. And if you leave without saying goodbye, you’re in trouble.”

“I should be gone before Mia …”

“She’s leaving early tomorrow; she has an overseas flight. Just keep sleeping if she wakes you up.”

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