Page 107 of Dark Room Junkie

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Noé

It was already the fifth morning I woke up on satin sheets, and I still couldn’t quite believe I was lying in a bed that was now supposed to be mine. It wasn’t like I could have thought about it in the past few days because of my condition, so it felt completely surreal right now.

The sun shone through the blinds, casting golden stripes on the dark green wallpaper of the forest. It smelled like a fresh pine forest. My phone was on the nightstand, and next to the lamp was a picture frame with the photo from the camera obscura. That alone brought a smile to my face.

When we arrived here last Sunday, I was utterly exhausted from what the week had brought me. Alex had been the only good thing about it. But the whole rest still stuck to me like shit, and it had been hardening, so each step felt like wading through thick slime.

In the past few days, I had hardly gotten out of bed—it was truly incredible how much I had messed up. And as if that wasn’t enough, the exhaustion of a whole lifetime also broke out and knocked me down with the flu.

Most of the time, I had been sleeping, which was probably the best thing. This way, my body could recover without my brain constantly craving for substances. It wasn’t my first relapse, and I knew it wouldn’t be my last, but knowing someone was there made the come down easier.

I had only barely registered what was happening around me. The sweat-stained bedding had been changed a couple of times, someone gave me soup to eat, and I kept hearing voices—Alex’s and a woman’s.

I rolled onto my back, spread my arms, and took a deep breath. Alex had come to me, in Juri’s apartment, and had brought me to him. Somehow, he had managed to convince me to go with him. Or had I just become weak?

What if he kicks me out?

Despite the fear, I felt that warm feeling in my chest. Alex had put it there; somehow he had succeeded. But it had tempted me to say yes, to give him a chance, and to hope to get to the bottom of this dilemma. Alex was everywhere. I couldn’t get him out of my head at all.

The days leading up to the concert were a complete blur, but I will never forget his look when he saw me backstage. It almost tore my heart apart because he had seen what kind of darkness I was being swallowed by.

The darkness still existed, lurking like an animal in the shadows, and I knew I had to do something about it. Although I had managed to lock the monster back up, I heard it rattling the cage incessantly.

Tiredly, I reached out for my phone. It was late morning, and tomorrow was Christmas. I just wanted to contact Tom, but I was briefly overwhelmed by the many messages I had received in the past few days.

I’ll deal with those later, I told myself and texted Tom.

“I think I’ll come by again sometime.”

“Hello! :) That makes me happy. It will do you good. Tomorrow at 4 p.m.”

“Okay.”

The thought of showing up in the group after such a long time made me anxious, but I knew I had to go. It was the only way to get back on track. And I didn’t want to go back to where I had been a few days ago.

I cautiously got out of bed and went to the bathroom with unsteady steps. I had my own bathroom in my own room, and it was huge! And equipped with everything I needed. Taking my time, I washed my hair, shaved, brushed my teeth, and scrubbed myself from head to toe. Afterward, I slipped into my jeans and put on a fresh long-sleeved shirt. Barefoot and with my hair down, I finally ventured out.

In the hallway, I faced a black-haired woman who was packing her bag and on her way to the cloakroom. I unintentionally blocked her path, and she was startled when she almost ran into me.

“Oh! I’m sorry!” she exclaimed.

I stepped back and cleared the way. “No, I’m sorry,” I said, holding my hands up in a placating gesture.

She squinted and smiled at me. “Luzia,” she said, extending her hand.

“N-Noé,” I replied and shook hers.

“You’re feeling better?” she said with a Spanish accent.

I nodded and forced a smile. The way she looked at me suggested that she had taken care of me the last few days and had seen much more of me than I would have liked.

“There’s food in the fridge. Alex is at work. And if you want to leave the apartment, there’s a key for you in the lock.”

“Thank you.”

“Merry Christmas,” she said, winking at me.

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