Page 53 of Deeply Examined

My hand rises to my chest as a new idea occurs to me. “Oh, my gosh! Are you in the Mafia or something? Does someone have a hit out on you?”

West heaves an exasperated sigh, raising his eyes to the ceiling like he’s praying for patience. “No, that’s not it.”

My hands go to my hips. “So?” I challenge. “Why the cameras and the secret spying?”

“I hear noises sometimes.” A muscle ticks in his jaw as his eyes dart away from mine. “I used to search this entire place to make sure everything was okay. With this installed, I can see everything at once. It makes me feel…” He hesitates so long I start to wonder if he’s ever going to complete the sentence. Then he finishes with a simple, “better.”

I have no idea how to respond to that.Is he saying he’s scared? That he comes here in the middle of the night to check for bogeymen?

Before I can question further, West’s voice cuts through my thoughts. “You’re missing the bigger picture. What this room is really about.” He looks over my shoulder, and I follow his gaze.

A curtain hangs from the ceiling in a corner of the room. It sways slightly, teasing me with whatever lies behind it. It’s the kind you would find separating the patient rooms in an Emergency Room or in post-op where the patient waits after surgery.

Like Alice going down the rabbit hole, I wander toward it, wondering what could be behind that pale green fabric.

West doesn’t stop me. He just eyes me carefully with his chest still, as if he’s holding his breath.

Determined to know the truth, I pull the curtain aside with one swift yank. It slides easily, revealing a scene so odd my brain can’t comprehend it.

I stare, unblinking, for a very long time.

West whispers behind me, counting 1, 2, 3, 4. Then he’s talking, his voice distant, like I’ve fallen down a well and he’s yelling at me from above. “Jessica, we can leave now. Forget about this and go back to how things were—”

“West?”

“Yes?”

“Why do you have an exam room in your home?”

That’s what is in front of me. A medical exam room, eerily similar to the one where I first met him. There’s the table with its stirrups tucked away. There are the shelves full of medical equipment. There’s a handwashing station against the wall. A rolling stool and a silver tray covered with a dark blue towel.

“Do you see patients here?” I ask.

“Not exactly.”

“Who comes here?” There’s something dreamlike about this moment. It’s so unexpected that it feels like I’ve been kicked out of my own body. Like I’m watching this from afar, totally uninvolved.

There’s a heavy pause, but I don’t look over. I’m too transfixed by the glass jars of cotton balls and tongue depressors on the counter. By the blood-pressure cuff on the wall.

Finally, he answers in a low voice, “Women. The ones who like this kind of thing.”

“Thing?” I echo, not comprehending. Of all the possibilities I thought I’d find in this room, this wasn’t it.

“It—it’s called medical play.” He takes a single step closer, and I flinch. He halts. “It’s my kink. One of the ways I like to have sex.” His explanation speeds up. “Listen, I know it’s unusual, but this hasnothingto do with my real job as a doctor. I would never take advantage of a patient.Ever. I can separate what happens in this room from what happens in the hospital or the clinic. I don’t mess around with real patients, don’t even want to do that.”

“What about me?” My voice is a faint echo, so soft. “You messed around with me.”

“That’s different.”

I finally look at him, taking in his drawn brow and how his jaw works, clenching and unclenching.

“How?” I can’t help but ask, so confused.

“It wasyou, Jess.Yousitting in my clinic.Youwaiting for me to come in. You change everything. Make me break all my rules.”

His answer has a familiar ring to it. Didn’t I think the same thing earlier this evening? When he fucked me in the bathroom with a hundred people outside. Jessica from months ago would never have let that happen. I would have been too embarrassed. Too worried about what other people thought of me. Always trying to be the good girl, the nice one.

Break all the rules.

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