Page 5 of The Midnight Secret

‘Y’ make it sound like I have somewhere else t’ go,’ he replied.

She watched as he splashed water on his face from the pail before running a wet hand through his hair. ‘I only meant that I’ve scarce seen you the past few days.’

‘It seems to me you’re the only one with time to sit down.’ His eyes flashed in her direction. Had he seen her sitting in the burial ground with David? He had taken against David for being indelibly intertwined with the moment of Molly’s death: Norman had lost control of his emotions and David had witnessed his weakness. She knew Norman would never forgive him for it. ‘All the others are frenzied trying to get done but you’re on y’ backside darning socks.’

Jayne looked around the spotless cottage. They owned precious little as it was – certainly less than those with big families – but she had folded their blankets, sheets and spare clothes into the wooden chest, she had taken down the curtains at the windows and polished the glass to a shine. The hearth was swept, her spinning wheel and bundle of yarns already sitting by the door. The pans were gleaming; the butter churn scrubbed...But she knew better than to plead her case.

‘Well, your tea’s ready to eat,’ she said instead, getting up and reaching for the stove door. She had cooked roasted puffin as a last treat. Lorna had told her it wasn’t so readily eaten over the other side – why would it be, when they had a daily butcher’s choice of lamb, beef, pork and chicken? Jayne hadlistened on with wide eyes, wondering if perhaps one day, they might look back at their sparse diet here with something like nostalgia. It seemed hard to believe.

‘In a while. I’ve to help Mathieson with some jobs.’

She straightened up. ‘Again? But weren’t you helping him earlier?’

‘Aye, in between moving the fulmar oil down from the top for ourselves.’

‘But what does Mr Mathieson have to do that requires so much help? Surely he’s here just to collect the rent and oversee the move?’

‘Jayne, I know you are simple-headed but surely even y’ can understand that he has work to do on behalf of MacLeod? Hirta is being closed up, and he needs to check the cleits and all over the isle to make sure nothing is missed. We’ll be lucky to get it done, the two of us, in the time that’s left.’

‘Then surely the other men can help as well? It’s not fair for the burden to fall to you.’

His gaze came to rest upon her. ‘They don’t have the time. They all have families to look after.’

She heard the silence beat after the words, the accusation hanging inside them of her inability thus far to bear him a child. Jayne looked away. He was free enough with his fists but it was his tongue that often caused the most hurt:barren,dry,fallow, those were the taunts that lingered long after the handprints had faded. Was it true? Or was her biology denying him in ways her body could not, knowing she wasn’t safe? Even Crabbit Mary and Donald had succeeded where they had failed – and everyone knew those two could scarce share a room together, much less a bed.

‘Who do I have, but for you?’ he shrugged, walking into the bedroom.

Jayne stared at the floor, hearing him moving around, his footsteps falling still, then breaking into loops around the room as he found everything had been packed up, nothing in its rightful place any longer. A moment later he was back in the doorway. It had always struck Jayne as the cruellest irony that he was never more handsome than when he was at his most dangerous.

‘Where’s my knife?’

‘What do you need that for?’

Norman frowned. ‘I don’t answer to y’, woman! Where is it?’

She hurried over, squeezing past him in the doorway and feeling his eyes upon her as their bodies touched. For a moment, she thought he might clasp her wrist and stop her in her tracks, as he sometimes did; but she slipped past, liquid as water, over to the wooden trunk and opened it. The knife, along with his climbing rope, lay atop the linens and blankets. ‘Here.’

He took it from her palm, his gaze still heavy upon her. He had come to bed so late these past few nights, she couldn’t even be sure he’d come to bed at all, rising again with the light before she awoke, and she knew he was battling himself. He was a man with needs but he was also a man with ambition, and if he felt he had an opportunity to ingratiate himself with the factor, he would not pass it up. Not even for that.

‘Have tea ready for when I return,’ he muttered finally.

Her mouth opened to ask him when that would be – to tell him it was already ready – but she closed it, watching as he slipped the knife into his waistband and headed outdoors again. He would be back when he was back. That was all she needed to know.

The bed creaked as Norman moved on top of her, his breathing ragged in her ear. She watched the usual spot on the ceiling and waited, knowing that in a few moments it would be done for the night. Her body was passively compliant as his pace quickened, groans beginning to gather in his throat as he lost himself, the bully growing defenceless until finally he stiffened, stilled, then collapsed upon her. His full weight pressed her deeper into the horsehair mattress for several seconds before he pushed back on his arms and rolled off her with a sigh.

They never spoke during the act, nor after, and barely two minutes passed before she heard his breathing slow and grow deeper. Jayne pulled the blanket tightly around her shoulders and turned her head towards the window. The curtain was thin, no match for tonight’s full-bodied moon, and she tried to imagine its view back down at their tiny landmass, a lambent speck in the midnight ocean. It helped her to visualize their insignificance, as if their smallness could somehow scale down the pain and loneliness that often felt overwhelming to her. ‘This is nothing,’ she would whisper to herself in the darkness. ‘We’re nothing.’

She closed her eyes and tried to sleep, to fall into the easy oblivion her husband enjoyed, for he was never troubled with bad dreams or wakeful nights. But rest wouldn’t come. She felt strangely disquieted, and as she blinked again into the brightness, she understood why.

The room was beginning to blur, golden shadows flickering across her eyes.

Oh God, no...

She tried to move, as if it was something she could dodge, but the portent settled like a lead cloak, holding her down. She felt the tingle begin to hum in her fingers and the growingheaviness in her soul, as if another spirit was clambering over her and sitting upon her own.

Time stopped.

She became aware of nothing but the thud of her own heart, the future showing itself in her mind’s eye, indecipherable images offering a flashed glance behind the curtain. It was always difficult to understand what she was seeing at first; the sights that floated before her eyes were often little more than impressions, only growing distinct as the moment drew near. But this time a face appeared with perfect clarity, and she felt a dread even worse than when she had seen Molly’s – because she understood this was going to change everything. They were standing in the shadow of their departure, but the Fates weren’t done with them yet.

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