Page 48 of Double Play

“You’re making a mistake, Jackson,” she whispers, small tremors shaking her hands as they continue gripping onto my shirt. “We don’t even know if I’ll lose my deal or my spot on the team because of this. And if it makes you that nervous, we’ll just continue doing what we’re doing. Nobody has to know what goes on in the privacy of our own home.”

I peel her fingers from the fabric, encasing them in mine before bringing her knuckles to my lips. I linger for just a moment, wishing I could rewind the last few hours and make this easier for her. But this was inevitable, and I was stupid to think there wouldn’t be some kind of consequence for us when I first told her how I felt.

If it were just me and Hawk in the public eye, maybe we could make it work. Riggs has done a good job of protecting Monroe from the media after her shitbag father was put in prison earlier this year. And even with their ten-year age gap, Ace and Lark have managed to tune out the noise from internet trolls who talk negatively about them on social media. But we’re different. Arden is a professional athlete as well, and women are held to a much higher standard when it comes to their personal lives, as unfair and fucked up as that is. It isn’t just a matter of whether or not the public would call her names for being with two people at the same time—it’s much bigger than that, and the risk isn’t one I’m willing to let her take. If that means leaving without giving her a choice in the matter, so be it. I can only pray that she doesn’t end up hating me when all is said and done. Hopefully, one day, she’ll understand that I’m doing this because I love her more than anything in the world.

“I love you, Arden,” I say quietly, taking one last look at her flawless face before standing up and heading to the door. She sobs loudly, crying out my name as she falls forward onto the mattress, and I fight every instinct in me that’s telling me to turn around and beg for her forgiveness. But I know I can’t. I have to give her the life she deserves, even if it means watching from afar as my best friend holds her hand through it all. Part of me expects her to follow me as I hurry down the stairs, but I’m grateful when she doesn’t, because it’ll only make this harder.

“What’s going on?” Hawk says, standing from the couch and stepping toward me as Arden’s muffled, broken cries fill the air around us. “What thefuckdid you do?”

I shake my head, my chest heaving as every single part of me continues to shatter into a million jagged pieces. Not only am I losing the woman I love today, but I’m not sure if my decision will end up taking my best friend, as well. My eyes and chest burn as I look up at him, voice cracking as I force out my final request. “Love her hard, Hawk. Love her in all the ways I wish I could.”

His brows pull tight. “Dude,don’t,” he warns. “Don’t do this. We’ll figure it out.”

I scoff, wiping the tears from my cheeks. “There’s nothing to figure out. The longer we act like this isn’t going to eventually ruin her life, the worse it’ll be. Just let me do the right thing.”

He takes a step back, a mask of disgust falling over his expression. “You’re a fucking bitch, Blake. You’re going to regret this.”

“I already do,” I mumble, turning and heading toward the door. He doesn’t waste another second before rushing up the stairs and into Arden’s room. I stand there frozen, listening as he attempts to comfort her, but her cries only get louder as the pain from what I’ve done intensifies. It’s not until I hear his promise to her that I’m snapped back to the harsh reality I’m about to live.

“You and me, baby,” he says. “Always.”

And with that, I walk out of the condo, leaving what’s left of me behind with the two people who own it all.

FORTY

HAWK

JACKSON:

How is she?

JACKSON:

I know you’re getting my texts. Your read receipts are on.

JACKSON:

Hawk, please. Just tell me how she’s doing.

JACKSON:

I’m staying at Ace’s until I can figure something else out. I know she has practice at eleven, so I’ll come by then to grab some stuff.

JACKSON:

I’m sorry. I’m just trying to protect her.

I setmy phone on the counter, ignoring the last string of texts from Jacks this morning. He’s been sending them non-stop since he left yesterday, and to be honest, I’m too fucking pissed to reply. I don’t know if my anger is toward him or just the situation in general, but holding her as she cried herself to sleep last night was the hardest thing I’ve had to do in a long time. It had me ready to spiral myself, but I refused to break in front of her. So, I held it in. I still am—at least until she leaves in a couple of hours. For now, I’m distracting myself by baking as quiet music plays in the background because the silence around me without him here is deafening.

I still don’t know everything that went down in the kitchen yesterday, but I was able to put enough of the pieces together to understand his reason for leaving. That doesn’t mean I think it was the right choice—because I think we could’ve talked it out and come up with a plan—but from his point of view, I see why he thought there wasn’t a better option in the heat of the moment.

Jackson is a protector. He may not be scrappy or short-tempered like I am, but he acts on instinct when it comes to the people he loves—no one more so than Arden. That’s why he’s been such a huge source of comfort for her all these years. Because she knows that if something bad happens, he’ll shoulder the burden and help her through it. This time, that was the exact thing that took him from her.

And from me.

It’s only been twenty-four hours, but I’m feeling his absence more than I ever could’ve imagined. I know our friendship isn’t over, and that his love for me and Arden is still just as strong as it was before he walked out the door, but it feels like everything has changed. He’s always been the sunshine on my darker days, pulling me back to reality when I wanted to give up, and not having him here to keep me grounded while I’m trying to ease her pain is hard. I feel like I’m walking on a tightrope, telling her it’s going to be okay while attempting to fend off my own anxiety about the future. Will he come back? Will he move out completely? Will they be able to be around each other, or will it cause them too much heartbreak?

I know this is all stuff I need to discuss with him, but for now, I’m only worried about my broken, beautiful girl. She was ready to risk everything to be with us both, and it isn’t lost on me how huge that is. She’s worked her whole life to get to where she is, but her love for me and Jacks is so strong, that she was prepared to choose us if it came down to it. That’s why I’m here—because I want to show her what that means to me. I just hope I can be enough.

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