Page 15 of Double Play

At least not until recently.

As comfortable as I am with Jackson when we’re here, I’ve struggled to feel like I really had a purpose in our roommate dynamic. Sure, I pay half the bills. I cook and clean. But at the end of the day, I have little to offer beyond that. When I’m grappling with my anxiety and abandonment issues, he’s taking care of me—making sure I’m eating and getting to practice on time. I know he’s lost sleep during my episodes, and I’ll never be able to tell him how grateful I am. I’m terrible with words when it comes to my emotions, and he certainly doesn’t need me to return any similar favors since he doesn’t struggle with things the way I do. But with Arden here?

I make a difference.

The way I got her through her panic attack and then opened up a conversation that led to her decision to talk to someone made me feel like I truly helped. I mean, she took the big steps herself, but she might not have if I wasn’t there to make her feel seen. That’s all she really needed.

I remove my shoes, putting them in the entryway closet along with my suitcase and duffle bag. I’ll need to sort through them tomorrow, but right now, I just want to go to bed. My whole body aches and my eyes burn with exhaustion. I don’t know why, but I have trouble sleeping on the team plane, so I usually just stare out the window and crash in my own bed as soon as I get home.

As I make my way toward the living room, movement on the stairs catches my eye. I look up to find Arden, half asleep, walking toward me in nothing but an oversized t-shirt and panties. It’s her normal bedtime attire, but every time I see those gorgeous, toned thighs on display, I feel like a fumbling virgin with the way my dick immediately swells. It’s just the effect she’s always had on me.

She doesn’t notice me at first, rubbing her eyes as she descends. As soon as she does, a sleepy smile blooms across her face—one that I can’t help but return because she’s so goddamn cute.

“You’re home,” she says, finally reaching the floor and stopping just a few feet in front of me.

“Miss me?” I ask, raising a brow.

“Mhmm,” she hums contentedly. At her admission, I can’t stop myself from closing the distance and pulling her into a hug. Her fruity shampoo invades my senses, and I revel in her warmth as she wraps her small arms around my waist. It’s completely out of character for me to be doing this since I’m not a hugger at all, but with her, continuing to fight it feels wrong. I know I’ll have to talk with Jackson about it eventually, but we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. For now, I just want to enjoy the time I have with her.

“What are you doing up so late?” I say, pulling back, but not letting her go. She tilts her head up, and I realize how small she is compared to me, despite playing a sport where she has to clear a seven-foot net to block. But I’ve seen her highlight reels online, and she has no issues with that.

“I’m hungry,” she replies sheepishly. This girl is all about her midnight snacks, and I have to say, I kind of love them too.

“Oh yeah? How about some chocolate zucchini muffins?” I was planning on making them tomorrow, but if she’s hungry now, there’s no point in waiting.

“That’s okay,” she says, her smile fading. “I’ll just have some cereal or something. You don’t have to bake for me.”

Memories of the first night she was here replay in my mind at her words. She asked me where I learned to bake, and like a dickhead, I stormed out of the room because the question made me think about my brothers. Although it wasn’t that long ago, it feels like years have gone by since then. I’ve started to build a bond with Arden, and I’m already feeling differently about the parts of myself I was trying so hard to hide from her before.

“Iwantto bake for you,” I reply, reaching up and pushing a rogue piece of hair behind her ear—another gentle gesture that’s very unlike me, but I can’t seem to stop myself from softening around this girl. I still want to rip her to shreds behind closed doors, but those fantasies are just for me—at least for now.

She nods. “Alright.” I shoot her a satisfied grin, glad that she’s agreeing after I dismissed her so badly last time before taking her hand in mine and leading her into the kitchen. I flip the light switch, illuminating the room, but immediately lower the dimmer so it’s not as bright. With any luck, I can feed her, and she’ll still be able to go back to sleep until it’s time for her to get ready for practice.

She takes a seat at the table, and I make my way around the room, washing my hands and gathering the items to make muffins. This recipe is a quick one, so she won’t have to wait long to eat. Setting the ingredients on the counter, I preheat the oven and get to work. She’s pretty quiet at first, watching me prepare the batter, and when I catch her studying my face, I suddenly want to let her see even more of me.

“I used to bake for my younger brothers,” I tell her. “I was a product of our mom and dad’s early on-and-off relationship. She was always a drinker, but when it got really bad, my dad made her choose between him and the alcohol. It took her a while to get her shit together, but eventually, she got sober, and they reconciled.

“After Hayden and Henry were born, my mom relapsed, although I’m not entirely convinced she wasn’t just really good at hiding shit the whole time. Our dad left again, and the responsibility of caring for my brothers was on my shoulders. Sometimes I had to get creative with the food we had, so we’d make a game of finding recipes that worked. Some were awful, but every now and then, I’d pull off a miracle and be able to give them dinner and dessert on the same night. Baking became our thing, and even now, it reminds me of them.”

“Where are they now?” she asks, tilting her head in confusion. “You don’t see them often?”

I look down into the bowl as zucchini shavings fall through the grater in a heap. As much as I want to tell her everything, it’s hard, because I know there’s a chance this part of my life may never have a happy ending.

“Our dad came and took them right after I turned eighteen. I hadn’t been drafted yet, so I didn’t have the means to care for them. Right now, everything is fucked, but I’m hoping someday, they’ll understand that I wanted them, and I’ve missed them every day since they left. The memories still take me to a scary place sometimes. It’s not always easy to get out.” Anxiety swirls and grips my heart like a vise, and I swallow the lump in my throat as I inhale deeply. Before it has a chance to drag me under, Arden is out of her chair and stepping up behind where I’m standing. Snaking her arms around my waist, she presses her head between my shoulder blades, holding me tightly.

“I’ve got you,” she says, her fingers skating gently over the fabric of my t-shirt. I focus on the feeling, exhaling a shaky breath and dropping my head forward as I relax. This is a first for me. I’ve never been pulled away from the darkness so effortlessly before, but it’s like she knew exactly what kind of light I needed. She really fuckingsees me…the same way I see her.

I turn in her arms, bringing my hands to her face and falling into her deep brown eyes. They’re full of emotion, and I feel like a million pounds have been lifted off my shoulders as she softly smiles up at me.

“I’ve got you, too,” I say, leaning down and brushing my lips against hers. She sighs as though she’s been waiting years for the kiss, andfuck, I feel the same. She opens in invitation, allowing me to tangle my tongue with hers. Sparks of electricity skitter across my skin, and I deepen our connection, letting myself get lost in the way she tastes. Everything about this girl is an anomaly, starting with the way she makes me want to be gentle and rough all at once. I long to care for her and break her, then put her back together and do it all over again.

Pulling away reluctantly, I press another soft peck to her plump lips before this gets out of hand right in the middle of our kitchen. I’m prepared to tell Jacks how I feel about Arden, even though it’s going to be hard, but I don’t want him seeing us together before I get the chance. If I’m not careful, I could end up losing him, and that can’t happen. No matter what, he’s still the most important person in my life.

“Want to help me?” I ask, turning back to the bowls that sit on the counter. There honestly isn’t much to this recipe, but if it means I can keep her close, I’ll pretend it’s the most complex thing I’ve ever baked.

She scrunches her nose. “Hawk, there’s a reason I was coming in here for cereal. I can’t cook. Like, at all. I promise, if you let me touch those muffins, I’ll find a way to make them taste like ass.”

A sly grin tugs at the corners of my mouth as I slide my eyes her way. “Lucky for you, I’m a big fan of eating ass.” Her jaw falls open and she chokes out a gasp, making me chuckle in response. I hand her the whisk, emptying the measured ingredients into a bowl while she mixes them together. When it’s ready, I pour it into the tins before dipping a finger into the thick batter and bringing it in front of her lips to taste. Her gaze burns into mine as she slowly leans forward, sucking it into her mouth and moaning as her tongue swirls around the tip. I stifle a groan as she takes it even deeper, her throat constricting around me when she swallows. I meant for it to be a playful gesture, but if I don’t get her alone in about ten seconds, I’m going to take her right here on the counter.

---