Page 22 of Never Landing

It was clever and funny, sometimes surprisingly understated, and I was—I was so proud of him. He pulled out his computer—after telling me what a computer was and how the internet worked, which sounded like another thing that was way too big for me—and showed me commercials and brand logos and all kinds of things.

When he’d taken his sketchbook out into the forest to draw, I’d never thought his art would end up in videos and on shelves andeverywhere. I just hadn’t thought about it. He’d been so good, but I hadn’t thought about a whole big world out there waiting for him.

When it was time for bed, I was still thinking about it, so I didn’t notice his awkward shuffle until we were standing in the hallway. “There’s the guest room...” he said, frowning atthe door of his parents’ old room. “Do you want to sleep there tonight?”

I bit my lip. “Can’t I stay with you?”

“Yeah, Peter. If you want to, you definitely can. But you can have your own space too. I just wanted to make sure you knew that.”

I smiled at him and nodded. “Do you...want your own space?”

He shook his head. “You can stay with me if you want.”

We both slept in his bed, each wrapped up in our own blanket, and it was nice to be there with him. I could wake up in the middle of the night and reach out and Everett wasthere. My Everett.

For a few days, we went on like that. Sometimes, Everett would try and fix something in the house, or call around looking for a contractor or an electrician or a plumber, but mostly, we just spent time together.

It worked out pretty well that I was his size, though I didn’t know if that was just luck or magic. I wanted to be like Everett, have everything he had and bring just as much to the table.

In the end, I mostly borrowed his clothes, but he didn’t mind sharing.

And showers were really,reallynice. I’d forgotten those too.

Mostly, I was getting used to everything and we were falling back into being best friends. There was something niggling in the back of my mind, but I didn’t want to think about it too hard, so I kept pushing it away, and everything was great.

I didn’t even think about it when I came into the kitchen to Everett putting out all the stuff to make tacos, which he said I’d love, and I kissed him. It’d just felt normal. He worked hard and made all this for us and—and it felt right. I was happy and I wanted to show him. Wasn’t a kiss the best way to do that?

But then, Everett put his hands on my shoulders and eased me back, his eyes conflicted.

“Is it okay if we don’t do that for now?” he asked, sounding so gentle that my first impulse was to assure him everything was fine.

“Yeah. Of course.”

It only took another second for it to start hurting, and I didn’t know why. Sure, I wanted to kiss Everett. It felt nice. But I definitely didn’t want him to do anything he didn’t want to do, and it only took a second’s thought for me to realize that if we never kissed again, that’d be okay. I wanted to be with him, but that didn’t have to look any particular way.

So why was I so sad all the sudden?

Something heavy was spreading through my body, making me feel wrong and lost all over again, and it couldn’t just be because I wasn’t getting exactly what I wanted. Right then, I had so much—I had Everett back in my life, and he was all I’d wanted for so long.

My thoughts swirled until they all came together in some kind of order.

It was...because we’d kissed before, and it’d felt like hope burning in my heart. Hope and excitement and anticipation and all the good things that came with growing up.

Then he’d left, and I’d lost all that. I’d been stuck. I hadn’t fit in with the lost kids anymore, and I hadn’t had anyone else.

That whole trajectory, that whole world of possibility, had shriveled up, while Everett had gone out into the world and lived a whole life without me.

Someone had stolen my whole life, a thousand sweet moments and wonderful chances and—oh god.

“Peter, are you okay?”

I blinked at him, my eyelids fluttering. “Yeah. Um, can I ask...why no kissing?”

Everett’s front teeth pressed into his lip. “It’s just...a couple days ago you were a kid. I don’t want to, I don’t know, take advantage or move too fast or—I feel like we still have some stuff to work out before we can talk about that kind of relationship.”

“Oh.”

“But if it’s really important to you?—”

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