Page 45 of Finding the Pieces

“Dom,” I say, sitting up and placing a palm on his chest over his heart. “I promise, I like the idea. When the time comes, if it’s too much, I’ll tell you.”

We don’t talk for ten minutes. We don’t talk for thirty. It’s well over an hour later I fall asleep in his arms, listening to the steady hum of his voice. I wake up the next day after a dreamless sleep to find Dom’s already left for work, as usual. I squint in the darkness at the baby monitor on my nightstand. Luca is sleeping peacefully. In the light from the screen, I see the familiar shape of a puzzle piece resting on my nightstand, left behind for me.

Chapter twenty-two

Ellie

“I’d like Wild Meadows. Thank you.” I point at the sage green nail color on the sample strip. It might not be the bright and bold green I usually go for this close to St. Patrick’s Day, but I figure it’s festive enough.

If I had known that Jake’s contribution to Dom’s puzzle was going to be a spa day to get manicures and pedicures, I might have accepted this whole idea with a bit more enthusiasm. Sitting here in a massage chair, my feet soaking in warm water while I’m soaking in one of the few truly relaxing moments since Luca was born, I think about how Dom stayed true to his promise.

All of theseEllie pieces, they’ve been…fun. It’s been a breath of fresh air to step away from my responsibilities to do things that feel easy and a little self-indulgent. Things my pre-baby self would have loved.

My eccentric, thoughtful, generous husband and his never-ending sense of optimism and humor have always made him easy to love. Everything about this has been easy to enjoy too. I mean, fuck, getting a mani-pedi with my brother-in-law is no hardship.

The relaxing spa ambiance comes complete with low lighting, soft, ethereal music, and aromatherapy oils diffusing around us. Yeah, no hardship at all.

“So, when was the last time, Ellie?” Jake asks before sipping his champagne in the massage chair next to mine.

Heat floods my cheeks. “Ew, Jake,” I say with a giggle, the second glass of champagne already making my head feel light and relaxed.

“Oh my god, Ellie, gross. When was the last timeyou got apedicure?” he clarifies with an eye roll.

“Um…I don’t know. I think with the girls the weekend of my baby shower?” I say absentmindedly, closing my eyes and resting my head onto the cushion as the nail technician rubs the arch of my foot.Holy shit, that feels amazing.

“That was like a year and a half ago,” he says, voice heavy with disbelief.

I roll my head to the right to give him a look. “Yeah, life’s busy, I guess. It hasn’t exactly made it to the top of my priority list. Are you saying my feet are scary?”

“Wasn’t going to say anything,” he says with a smirk.

“Liar, you would.” I laugh.

“Hey, what are big brothers for?”

“Free pedicures apparently.”

He returns the look with a gentle smile. “Seriously, I’m sorry Chris and I didn’t drag you here or anywhere else for a break. We would have if we had realized.”

“No harm done. See? Look how great they’re looking already,” I say, gesturing to my feet.

“No harm done, huh? Before this whole plan of Dom’s, when was the last time you did something for you? Doesn’t have to be a pedicure. Just something for you.”

“I do stuff for me all the time. I go to book club with my girls every month. And I decorate for the holidays. And…”Shit. I do more than that, right?

“Seeing your friends once a month? And creating a festive environment for your family for the holidays? No, Ellie. That’s not what I mean. What do you do that’s just for you? Something superfluous for any other reason other than it brings you joy. Not because it’s on a list, not because someone says good parentsneed to do it, not because there’s some unspoken expectation. What do you do for you and you alone on a consistent basis so you don’t burn out?”

My fading smile must give him all the answer he needs.

“I don’t know, I guess,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper.

“Well, let’s fix that. What do you want to do? What did you use to enjoy doing with your free time?”

I rack my brain. This shouldn’t be a hard question. I was a person for almost three decades before I became a mom. That person is still in there, right? She had interests and hobbies. So why can’t I think of a single one?

“Okay, I’ll go first. I like to do at least one sudoku a day. I ride my bike on the trails between our houses. I play video games. Your turn. Give me three things you like to do simply because they bring you joy, and then promise me you’ll do them this month. Then we’ll check in and see what you’re going to try next month if you don’t like the ones you choose.”

“I used to go for walks a lot. That sounds dumb, doesn’t it?”

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