Page 24 of Finding the Pieces

“Upstairs,” she demands.

She ducks under my arms and races for the stairs. I swat her ass as she passes me, before following the sound of her flirty giggle as she climbs the stairs.

I can’t look away, entranced by the sight of her delicious curves swaying with every step, but when I catch up with her in our bedroom, I immediately sense the shift. It’s subtle, but her eyes find mine, wide and unsure. Like what she didand said a moment ago and the implication of where this is leading and what she’s asking for are hitting her all at once.

Fuck. She doesn’t want this.

She opens her mouth, her hands fiddling and wringing in front of her stomach like she can expel the nervousness and anxiety out of her body through her fingertips.

“Ellie, it’s okay…nothing has to happen, sweetheart,” I say softly, keeping my distance so she knows I mean it.

“But you went to all this trouble setting up a fun date and—”

“Ellie, look at me.” I wait, only continuing when her glossy eyes meet mine right before a tear falls down her cheek. “Let me stop you right there. You’re breaking my heart with this,” I say, pulling her into my arms and wiping at her tears softly with my thumb.

“Nothingabout us is transactional,” I reassure her. “Our marriage is a bond, not an exchange. I don’t spend time with you so you’ll give me this.”

“But don’t you miss it?”

Of course, I fucking miss it.

Ellie’s gorgeous. She always has been. Sure, sex is part of it, but it’s more than that. More than anything, I missher. I missus.

Day in and day out, I find myself looking at Ellie and wanting to touch her, wanting to hold her in my arms. Our chemistry hasn’t changed, but there’s distance between us now that’s more than physical.

I miss the emotional intimacy. For almost a year, things have been tense, strained by exhaustion and a thousand competing priorities, and if I’m honest, we’re both still working through what happened when Luca was born. That shit doesn’t happen without changing a person, and it’s no surprise the experience impacted every facet of our lives.

“Ellie, I need you to hear me,” I say softly, but keeping my hold on her firm as I palm the back of her head, before dropping a kiss there too. “I need you to stop thinking about what you think I want. If you want to know, you ask me, okay? The most important thing to me is that you’re okay. That we’re okay. We can’t give anything to each other when we’re struggling on our own. What I missis you talking to me like you did tonight. What I miss is giving each other our time. It’s not our fault; this past year has been a lot. It’s beenincredible, but so fucking hard too. Do Iwantto have sex with you? Always. Twenty-four seven, three hundred sixty-five, babe. But what Ineedis for you to take care of yourself so that we can take care of each other.”

My heart breaks again as she sniffles against my chest, my shirt damp where she presses her cheek against me, and her hands wrap tightly around my back.

“Don’t you miss who I used to be? Wasn’t she easier to be around? Wasn’t she easier to love?”

“The woman I met when I was twenty-two? She was fucking phenomenal. The woman I married? My fucking soul mate. But the woman you are today? There is no end to my love for her. There aren’t words to explain this knowing in my heart that we were meant to spend every minute of our lives side by side. Fighting our demons, sharing our successes, and making each other laugh. It’s not just easy to love you, it’s impossible not to.”

“I’m tired of feeling like this. I want to feel like me again,” she whispers, her voice cracking.

“You will, Ellie. I promise. Give it time. Give yourself time. I’m not going anywhere.”

***

“Morning,” Ellie mumbles, rubbing her eyes as she makes her way into the kitchen.

I meet her at the kitchen island, dropping a kiss on her lips before putting a cup of coffee in front of her. She leans back on the bar stool, wrapping her hands around the warm mug, her eyes watching me as she takes her first sip. She melts a little, relaxing into her seat, and licks her lips before smiling at me.

“Morning, gorgeous,” I say. She pulls the baby monitor in front of her, huffing out a breath as she stares in disbelief.

“Okay, but what the actual fuck? Chris and Jake babysit and Luca sleeps in for the first time in his entire life?”

“Did you hear Jake say it only took them ten minutes to get him to sleep?”

“Are you fucking kidding? Call them. They have to move in,” she says, face serious for only a second before she breaks into a smile, giggling at her own joke.There’s my girl.

“As his brother, I reserve every right to tell you, you don’t want to live with Jake.”

“I will trade you for him in five seconds if it means Luca sleeps like this every night,” she deadpans.

“You’d miss me too much.” I wink at her. “Besides, you guys don’t like the same shows. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life fighting for the remote in exchange for just a couple of hours of decent sleep?”

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