Page 59 of Finding the Pieces

“I knew that boring wouldn’t be in my future from our very first date.”

“Exactly, and I’m not planning on letting you down now.”

“So, what’s the catch?” she asks. Good, she’s into this. I mean, new pajamas, who wouldn’t be? But ever since I’ve started giving her these puzzle pieces, this voice in my head won’t stop nagging that I’m trying too little, too late and it’s not enough to repair the damage we’ve sustained. I want today to prove that little voice is fucking wrong.

We’ve focused all our attention on becoming parents, trying our best to figure out an impossible task. We’ve forgotten to do the silly things. We’ve forgotten to be playful. We’ve forgotten to let go and have fun.

Sure, I didn’tneedto get a babysitter just to take Ellie shopping, but she can’t focus on anything other than Luca when we go out with him. I want her attention onherselftoday, and selfishly, I want a little of that attention too.

Sorry, son, it’s date day. Toddler not invited.

“You need at least three new sets, but you’re not picking them. I am.”

She laughs and rolls up onto the balls of her feet. “Okay, and do I get to help? Do I get the final say?”

“You get the final say on everything we buy today, but do you get to help? Not a chance, you’ll be too busy.”

“With what?”

“Picking outmynew pajamas.”

“Oh, I like this.”

“But remember, ground rules…”

“Afraid I’ll come back with assless chaps?”

“I was not aware that this store started selling assless chaps. Please get me three pairs.”

Her laugh echoes down the aisle we’re standing in. “It’s only worth it if they’re polar fleece assless chaps. I’ll keep my eye out. Okay, rules?” she asks.

“Okay, Momma, it’s simple. We pick out three sets for each other. One is for comfort, one for family time, and one for…” I wiggle my eyebrows at her.

“One for sexy time?” she whispers, leaning in close with mischief in her eyes.

“Okay, if you insist.” I wink, and she lets out another laugh.

This silly, carefree part of us isn’t gone, just lying dormant. I want Luca to see us like this, to see his parents happy together, making each other laugh, enjoying our time together, even if it’s doing something as simple as buying clothes.

I want Ellie to feel comfortable enough to let her guard down and know that she can do this all the time. No planning, no permission, no sitter.

This is just the start.

“How much time do I get?” she asks.

“I don’t know, thirty minutes sound good?”

“Thirty minutes and no peeking!” she yells as she races away toward the men’s section of the store.

I don’t need thirty minutes. I spent the last week looking up options, different cuts and styles. I went through Ellie’s closet to find the sizes and measurements of the sets she likes best to get the right fit. Now, I just need to make sure the fabric is comfortable since I couldn’t tell online.

Once I grab what I need, with everything I picked out ahead of time looking better and feeling more comfortable than I was expecting, I cheat and peek at her progress.

What can I say? I’m an opportunist.

I see her head over the turnstiles and smile to myself as I watch her turn back and forth between different displays, wandering back and forth down the same aisle a few times before she heads to the next.

When she’s done, she bounces over to me and places a kiss on my cheek.

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