Page 23 of Finding the Pieces

After our fight, I apologized profusely, gave Ellie an intense amount of chocolate-covered pretzels and flowers, and proposed we take a step back and make time for a date together, just the two of us. Turns out, regardless of the fight, we needed this anyway.

It only took about two weeks to get the details worked out, my brother Jake and his husband Chris agreeing to babysit.Agreeingmight not be the right word. They all but screamed at us toget outand told us to plan another date night soon.

Ellie and I still talked about Luca, of course; impossible not to—he’s perfect. But we also reminisced on our dating life when we first met and gossiped about our friends because I don’t care what anyone says—when you’re married, you gossip. I somehow managed to not spill the beans about how Aiden plans to propose to Bec quite yet; I need to hang onto that secret for now.

We joked and laughed like things were easy. Like we did this all the time.

I love being a father. Luca is curious, silly, determined, intelligent, and my everything. But Ellie was my everything first and I can’t wait months to get another night like this with her. We can’t maintain a relationship with one good night every few weeks or even months.

After we arrive home and catch up with Chris and Jake for a bit, I watch Ellie wave goodbye from our front door. She locks it and turns toward me, leaning back against the frame.

Fuck. She’s a knockout, and my dick swells at the sight of her popping her hips to the side, sliding her shoes off her feet, all the while keeping her eyes on mine.

“Come here,” I say. She crosses the entryway, stopping only inches from me. I brush her hair back from her shoulder, watching the blonde curls fall away. I palm her neck and lean my forehead against hers.

Relief fills my lungs when I feel the weight of her forehead pressing against mine in return. We stay like that for a minute, leaning on each other, breathing together. It’s been so long since I’ve gotten a taste of Ellie and I almost groan at the thought. This woman means everything to me and all I want is to hear her gasping and moaning my name while I take care of her.

Intimacy is still understandably difficult for Ellie. I always want her to be honest with herself—and with me—about what she needs, what she wants, and what she doesn’t. I would be sick if she ever tried to push herself into doing more than what she’s comfortable with, and right now, she’s not comfortable with much happening between us physically very often.

Sure, we’ve had sex since Luca was born, but it’s rare. That spark from before is buried. We just have to find a way to bring it back when she’s ready.

I’ve talked to my therapist about it, even though I know Ellie would probably be embarrassed knowing that I’ve asked a professional for advice about our sex life. But I’ll be fucking damned if I’m going to unknowingly cause my wife more hurt. I can’t control the way life hurts us, but I can spend every last shred of my energy protecting her from what I can control.

I need Ellie to know that she’s always safe with me. With her body and her heart. But that doesn’t mean I don’t crave her just as badly as I did when we met.

When I married Ellie, I vowed to spend my life making her happy. During this stage of life, that looks different than it used to. Less sex and more support.

Do I get to taste her as often as I wish? No. Do I fill her ridiculously giant water bottle every night before bed to find she only took a few sips before morning? You fuckin’ bet. Because she’s my everything, and when we promised to be each other’s partner, I knew that meant we would evolve and our relationship would have to evolve too.

This is a season, and I’m going to celebrate every milestone I can, even if they look different than they used to. Wouldn’t life be fucking boring if we didn’t find something new to celebrate? New wins to remind us we’re alive? This is going to be a win for us someday.

And I can be very, very patient.

“Well, this was fun, but I got an early morning tomorrow,” I say, lips pressed to her cheek before running my nose along her hair, breathing in her shampoo and perfume. She laughs, reassuring me my joke hit like I wanted it to.

Ellie relaxes into my hold, her cheek pressing lightly against my chest and her palms running across my lower back.

“Funny, I was about to say the same. My boss likes to get the day started at the ass crack of dawn. Sometimes he even calls me in the middle of the night if he shits the bed on a project.”

“Talk about the toughest job in the world. I hope your boss pays you overtime.”

“Truthfully, I volunteer. No pay, but the benefits are exactly what I dreamed of. He’s the best. I wouldn’t change it for anything.”

My world stops and quiets. I’m enraptured entirely by the gorgeous smile lighting up my wife’s face. She’s radiant. Pride and love and joy flowing from her with love for our small family.

Her playfulness tells me that we’ll wrap up this night in the usual way. We’ll get ready for bed, side by side. I’ll fill the giant water bottle while she sets up the monitor the way she likes—at full volume, and the screen on so she can keep a close eye on Luca.

I’m caught off guard when I pull back and meet Ellie’s stare to find her looking at me like she used to. Her eyes glazed with hunger, dipping to my lips.

It’s the briefest moment, but it’s something more. I know Ellie, and I know that look.

I swallow, running my palms up her back from her hips to her shoulders before pulling her in close, my lips grazing hers before placing a light kiss to her soft lips. She pulls away for a moment, her eyes closed, before she presses her lips to mine again, more forcefully. She slips her tongue in my mouth and I’m fucking gone.

I reach into her coat to push it from her shoulders, letting it fall to the floor before backing her against the door and trailing kisses down her neck. Her nails trace lines up the back of my skull before she grips my hair, keeping my attention on her neck, where I lightly nip at her skin.

“More,” she whispers, and my body responds instantly. I lean in, pressing my cock against her. I grip her knee and hitch her leg around my hip. I grab her ass before palming her thigh, wishing I could rip the clothes off her body and have her here.

I groan into her neck at the feel of her warm heat.

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