Page 21 of Finding the Pieces

“Noooooo?” I draw out the question, afraid to hear the answer.

I’m operating on maybe three hours of interrupted sleep. I know this is a bad idea, but with Luca screaming in my ear, Ellie attempting to kill me with her thoughts alone it seems, and the desperation I feel to get some decent sleep before I have to get to work in a couple of hours, I can’t seem to avoid the obvious trap.

“Twenty minutes.Twenty minutes, Dominic. I gave it an hour and a half, and you can’t give it more than twenty minutes?”

“You know he just wants to nurse. There’s no point in me trying.”

“Of course he wants to nurse. He’s fuckingteething. Weren’t you listening to me earlier when you got home from work? He was cluster feeding all day even though it seemed like he was weaning last week.”

I shove my free hand through my hair, letting it fall to my side in a tight fist before shaking it out.

“I can’t take in information right when I walk in the door from work. I’m usually still caught up in my thoughts brainstorming for class.”

“Right, so your job is more important than listening to me talk about our son. I’m just supposed to handle everything while youwind downfrom your day, even though you just had an entire commute home to do so. Guess what, Dom?I don’t get a commute.I’m in the thick of things with Luca all day. There was no one clawing at you and gnawing on your chest while you went about your day. Excuse me for being touched out. I know he wants to nurse, but—spoiler alert—my nipples are fucking raw. He ishurtingme and I need you to put him back to bed so I don’t have to sit there in pain while you sleep peacefully a wall—might as well be a whole fucking world—away!” Her chest rises and falls rapidly. Despite her disheveled appearance, her stance is assertive.

I don’t argue. It’s impossible to when I know she’s right. I tell her as much and make my way back to Luca’s room to try again.

Another twenty minutes, and I finally get Luca calm. Thirty minutes after that, he’s finally out. I hold my breath as I try to hover out of his room, avoiding stepping on the one spot in the flooring that I know will creek if I put any weight on it.

I hurry to our bedroom, turn the monitor on, and breathe a huge sigh of relief finding Luca still asleep. Without wasting any time, I plug the monitor into the charger and jump into bed, ready to pass out.

“His body is out of the camera shot,” Ellie says, voice uneasy as she stares at the baby monitor. “How did that happen?”

“I don’t know,” I say, getting comfortable and rolling onto my side before closing my eyes.

“Dom, I can’t see if he’s breathing when he’s out of the frame.” The panic building in her tone has my body going rigid.

Don’t say it, Ellie.

“We have to fix the camera.”

“Ellie, no. Hejustfell asleep. There’s no goddamn way we’re stepping foot in there. He isfine.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” she hisses with disbelief, as if I’m the unreasonable one right now.

“No, I’m really not.” I sit up to find she’s already upright. She looks like she’s about to leap out of bed and storm into Luca’s room, and I cannot deal with what we both know will happen if she does. “I don’t know what your mind is telling you right now, but Luca is safe. He’s asleep. He’s breathing. Okay?” I flop back onto my pillows, hoping with every bone in my body that’s the end of it.

Tomorrow—well, today—is already going to be impossible. I’ve gotten basically no sleep, it’s four in the morning, and I can’t deal with another hour and a half of fighting to get an overtired Luca back to bed. At that point, it’ll be time for me to get ready for work anyway, any chance at getting some much-needed rest evaporating.

“You’re being kind of insensitive,” she volleys.

“And you’re being incredibly paranoid,” I mutter, unthinking.

Like a fucking idiot.

“Now you’re just an asshole,” she says, voice thick with tears. Instantly, what I’ve said registers in my stupid, sleep-deprived brain, but before I can stop her and apologize for being a jerk, Ellie’s already out the door. I hear her soft steps on the baby monitor as she makes her way to the camera and watch as she adjusts the view. I see Luca’s body come into the frame and I hold my breath, waiting for the smallest noise to disturb his sleep.

But I was wrong. She escapes without incident, comes back into our room, grabs the monitor, and hurries out. I hear the soft click of the guest room door closing.

Fuck me. I am an asshole.

***

“You okay, Mr. D?” Joey asks from his seat in the back row.

“Yeah, you look like shit,” Hunter pipes in, unhelpfully, might I add.

“Shut up, Hunt. You’re being rude,” Tiffany reprimands her twin brother as she doodles in her notebook.

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