Page 37 of Winning the Nightcap

“Relieved, which then makes me feel like a selfish piece of shit. I wanted her to be living in the same city as Evie and me, but wishing for that and having it happen because she’s getting worse? It feels hollow.” Her grip on my hand tightens slightly, and I turn my hand over to thread my fingers through hers, running my thumb over her knuckle. “I couldn’t help the distance when I was traded, and Evie was accepted into a really competitive graduate program. Mom never would have wanted us to pass on those kinds of opportunities. We’d held off on moving her to a new city to avoid making things worse for her by changing her environment, but I wanted her to live closer to Evie and me.”

“I’m sure after she works through the initial struggles, it’ll be better for her to be closer to you both. It sounds like you’re doing all you can, Aiden. You don’t have to tell me, really no pressure, but…what’s she like?”

I take a second to give her question some thought. “Hm…warm and generous. Insightful and intuitive. I couldn’t hide anything from her when I was growing up. She knew the second I stepped out of line or if I was upset and trying to act like I wasn’t. She’s always been determined and resilient too. My mom left my dad when Evie and I were young. We were better for it, but it took a lot to do what she did.”

“I remember you mentioned that when we met.”

“Hm…so youwerelistening. That’s disappointing. I was hoping my good looks distracted you from my word vomit.”

“Turns out I can eat me up some eye candyandlisten. I’m giftedlike that. Queen of multitasking. But I can also catch an attempt at deflection when I hear one. Would you rather not talk about it? That’s okay, you know—”

“No, no. I want to tell you.” She smiles and turns her body to face me, leaning her side into the back of the couch but keeping her hand in mine. Hop adjusts to rest his head on her knee, and it sends a pulse through my chest seeing them both so comfortable together. Her eyes are attentive, focused on me.

“My mom sacrificed everything for Evie and me. After leaving my dad, raising two kids on her own wasn’t easy, though she always made it seem that way. As a kid, I didn’t realize how much she must have battled to support my love for baseball. The cost of equipment, camps, travel teams, and tournaments…it’s not cheap. Despite the stress I know she carried, plus the multiple jobs she was always working, she never hesitated to tell me and Evie how much she loved us and how proud we made her feel. Not only did she tell us, she showed us. She came to every practice and game she could. She stayed up late helping us with our homework. She welcomed our friends into our modest apartment for dinner with open arms. Mom always gave and never expected anything from anyone in return. When the possibility of playing professionally became a reality, I promised myself that I was going to take care of her and honor all of the sacrifices she made. Now, it feels like I’m letting her down.”

“Letting her down? I can’t imagine she’d ever feel that way. You and your sister are keeping her safe. I know the change will be difficult, but I’m sure it’ll make it easier for all three of you to be living close together again. No matter what, I’m confident your mom feels the love you and Evie show her. When I see Ellie with Luca…I mean, he’s only a baby and the bond they have already…that connection can suffer a lot of damage, but it won’t break, not if you continue to show up for each other when it counts. You can fill that space with love.”

“But this…this is something I can’t fix. Something I can’t protect my family from. I wish I could do more.”

“Of course you do. But sometimes loving the people we care about is the best we can do. They’re lucky to have you on their team regardless of what you’re facing.”

I smile, thinking about what Bec’s said. Somehow, her words ease the weight on my shoulders. The constant pressure sitting there, weighing me down, suddenly lighter and not as painful.

“Mom sat me and Evie down for a talk a few months after she got her diagnosis, when she’d had some time to process everything, if that’s even possible with news like this. She wouldn’t allow either of us to put work or school on hold, even though we discussed our options and offered to drop it all for her several times. I remember her face, sitting at Evie’s kitchen table between the two of us, one of our hands in each of hers. Her hair was just starting to gray at the time, and she had it pulled back in the same kind of hair clip she wore my entire childhood. With tears in her eyes, she…thanked us. She sobbed her gratitude for giving her the best years of her life after what she said was a dark and hopeless chapter. My dad…he had a lot of issues. We spent the night looking at old photos, rehashing our favorite memories, laughing until it hurt and all of us were crying.” I remember it so clearly. A mix of joy, fear, and love hanging in the air, overpowering everything, making the rest of the world fade away for that brief amount of time. “Mom made Evie and I promise we would live our lives the way we dreamed, no matter what happened in the future. She wanted us to know how much we were loved even if she wouldn’t always remember to say it.”

A deep, intrusive ache settled in my gut that night. Honestly, it never left. It dulls at times, when things are good and Mom is doing well. And on the really bad days, it roars to life, taking over my mind, plaguing my thoughts with consuming fear and worry. It takes overmy body, showing up in different ways but usually a massive headache. Last time Mom had a bad weekend, I was on the road with the team. One of our trainers said he’d never seen my shoulder so tight. All my toxic thoughts were finding their way into the very fiber of my being, spreading through me like poison.

“She sounds incredible, Aiden. And like a total badass.” That gets a laugh out of me.

“Yeah, I forgot to mention that. She is a certified badass.”

Her laughter, echoing my own, softens into a more thoughtful expression. “It makes sense that you’re having conflicting feelings about her moving here. It’s not black and white and that’s okay. You’re allowed to feel more than one thing at a time. It might make you feel better to just let yourself own it. The good and the bad. Don’t worry about how youshouldhandle things. There isn’t a rulebook on this. Try to take it day by day, Aiden. She knows you love her and that’s what matters.”

I take a deep breath, like it’s the first time my lungs have allowed a full breath of air since I moved. Bec’s right. Mom will do better here after she settles in.

I rub my thumb over her knuckle again, realizing I’m still holding her hand. I don’t want to let go. The feel of her skin on mine is grounding me, dulling the ache I feel from all the heavy shit going on in the last few days. Few years, really.

“I feel like I should be paying you for this session. Where’s the funky couch the therapists always have in their office?” I quip.

“You’re right, that’ll be a thousand dollars. Don’t forget to tip. My associate here and I only accept payment in the form of pizza and cold hard cash.”

“Dog training, dog sitting, and counseling? You’re a triple threat.”

“Eh, I’m better at giving advice than receiving it,” she replies. “You won’t catch me following my own suggestions, that’s for sure.” BeforeI can ask what she means, she quickly shakes the comment off as if she never meant to say it and changes the subject. “If you’re ever interested, the Center trains therapy dogs as well. They visit local nursing homes all the time to visit the residents. The staff that work there always tell me it’s one of the most popular activities they host. I try to go when I can, especially with our dogs that are newer to the work. I can partner with one of the families to see if they’d be willing to bring their dog to your mom’s new place. Once she’s settled, you know. Or if she’s not a dog person, forget I said anything. You’d probably rather I not intrude, of course. Sorry, I—”

“Bec?” I interrupt her spiral. It’s clear she’s anxious and already trying to pull back her offer. “Mom loves dogs. So much so that I asked several times if I could bring Hopper to visit her in her last place, but they had a strict policy. Therapy and service dogs only. That’s really thoughtful of you.”

Her blush burns bright on her cheeks. “Just let me know when. I have a dog in mind, I’ll see what her human momma says next time I see her. I bet Hopper could be a great therapy dog someday, too, if you’re interested in working on that. He’s got the right temperament for it. Once he grows out of the puppy stage, he’ll need a bit more training, but then you could bring him with you to visit your mom.”

“Mom would love that, and I’m sure Hopper would too.”

“What,this dog? Enjoying endless attention and affection? You don’t say…” We look down at Hopper who has slowly sprawled out as we’ve been talking, somehow in both of our laps now. She breaks first, both of us laughing.

“I don’t know how you did it, but you managed to turn my night around. You’re something special, you know that, Bec?”

I can see the doubt in her eyes. She’s trying to determine whether I mean what I say. That hesitation, that guardedness wasn’t there when we first met. I don’t know what happened to make her feel likeshe can’t trust a compliment. Like she can’t trust me. But I’m going to prove to her she can, if she’ll let me.

“So…did you give it any thought? What I asked yesterday?” I ask her.

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