Page 100 of Winning the Nightcap

“You didn’t see her, Bec. It felt so real. Like I was living inside my worst nightmare. What if you stay with me and I hurt you like that? What if I’m capable of treating people like he did?”

“I know that you’re not. I have never dated anyone more compassionate, patient, and caring than you. I know you, Aiden. I have faith in you and faith in us. I need you to hear what I’m saying,” I say, panic spreading through my limbs. Aiden’s always been the steadfast one in our relationship. Hearing his doubt leaves me feeling raw and vulnerable.

He can’t possibly believe that his mother would ever speak to him like that when her mind is clear. She had a bad day. It was just a bad day. Why can’t he see that?

“I don’t ever want to hurt you,” Aiden says, the defeat ringing in the space between us, which feels like it’s growing each time he shuts down my feeble attempts to talk him through this.

“You’re not going to hurt me, Aiden. I was so afraid that you would. I was so scared of that potential hurt that I wouldn’t even consider being with you when we met. But you spent the last seven months showing me that’s not possible. I shouldn’t have said what I said tonight, but it’s not because I don’t mean it with every pulse of my heart.”

The look in his eyes is tortured.

I won’t be able to help him find his way out of this. Not tonight. He needs time.

I’m not the same person I was when Aiden came crashing back into my life. I’m not running away from this, from him, from us. While I have no idea how to make things right, I know someone who can help us figure it out.

Chapter Fifty-Nine

Bec

Aiden and I decided not to spend the night together. He asked for some time to think but reassured me he would call tomorrow. He kissed me desperately before I left. Old Bec tried to convince me to prepare for the inevitable goodbye, but new Bec told her to shut up.

As soon as I got home, I sought out comfort from my old baggy sweatpants, the giant Aviators sweatshirt I stole from Aiden after the first time he made me breakfast, and a tub of brownie fudge ice cream.

Yes, I’m a cliché, but I don’t have the energy to give a fuck.

I’m several spoonfuls in when I hear scratching at my door. It only lasts a second before Ellie bursts into my apartment, leaving the door wide open behind her, my spare key still hanging in the lock attached to her keyring. She rushes toward me frantically and wraps me in a hug so tight it knocks the wind out of me. I squeeze her back, tears rising to the surface for the second time tonight.

I want to act like I never said those three idiotic words to Aiden, but I can’t ignore what happened if I want our relationship to survive. So I texted Ellie to let her know we have a “Code Red.” Both of us have evoked the cry for help several times since we invented it in middleschool. It’s our emergency signal to drop everything and deliver a hug as quickly as possible. Ellie was the last one to call it in once she was allowed visitors after Luca was born. I ran to the hospital and held her while she cried in my arms. I’m not even sure how much she remembers from our conversation because she was so overwhelmed at the time.

“It just kind of slipped out, Ellie. This is such a fucking mess,” I say, still caught in her hug.

“Slow down. What slipped out? Start from the beginning.” She pulls away, hands still resting on my shoulders to look me over in case the damage is physical. Once assured I’m okay, she steps back to grab her keys and close the door to my apartment. “Let’s sit.”

We settle on the couch and Ellie holds my hand, listening patiently as I recall all that happened tonight.

“I can’t imagine how helpless Aiden must be feeling right now,” she says. “I think you two did the right thing taking the night apart to give him some time to work through this on his own. Everything you said in response was great, but it doesn’t sound like he’s in the right headspace to take any of that in right now. Do you know if he can take a few days off work or something?”

“I asked, but he said he’d rather keep playing. I think he’s trying to pretend like the whole thing never happened and baseball is going to help him do that. I think he’d rather do anything other than think about how this is making him feel.”

Ellie nods. “I don’t blame him. I’m sure finding an escape would be easier than talking through it.”

Our conversation is interrupted by a knock on my door.

“Did you call the girls for reinforcements?” I ask Ellie.

“No, I wanted to wait until I knew what was going on,” she says.

Confused, I open my door to find Evie waiting.

“Bec, I’m so sorry. I just got off the phone withAiden. I should have called you last night, but I wasn’t thinking about anything other than Mom and Aiden. I was up so late crying and it wasn’t until I reached out to him after the game today that I realized I should have given you a heads-up on everything that happened.”

“Evie, it’s okay. You don’t need to worry about me. What about you? Are you okay? I know yesterday was awful for both of you.”

She falls into my arms in tears.

“It’s too much,” she sobs quietly.

“I know. It’s going to be okay,” I promise, even though it feels hollow.

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