Page 28 of The Fly-Half

“Maybe it’s just a lot of things changing all at once.” Mason squeezed my shoulder. “Was there any reason Peaches thought Jonny might be jealous?”

“Yeah, did he think it sounded romantic?” West asked, leaning forward to look across me at Mason. “Jonny’s never done this before, right? I don’t really know much about his relationships.”

“I don’t think he’s had many,” Mason said with a frown. “Brought a few girls home, but not for a while. Maybe not even this year. I dunno. He’s never really seemed that interested in dating. You probably know more than us, Devon.”

“I don’t know much either. He’s talked about a few girls but nothing much. He’s not the bragging type.”

“Still doesn’t answer why Peaches thought his whole thing might be romantic,” West said. He was calm, but it was clear the whole situation was frustrating him. I felt the same. There was something we were missing, but none of us knew what it was. The answer was just out of reach and we were stumbling around in the dark trying to find it.

“I don’t know either,” I said.

“What exactly did you tell him?” Mason asked, sitting back and folding his arms across his massive chest. “You don’t have to tell us if you don’t want, but it might help. Three heads are better than one.”

West snorted. “At least in theory.”

“Don’t be a dickhead,” Mason said fondly. “I’m too tired to deal with that shit.” He stretched. “I just want to figure this out so I can go home and have dinner. I’m fucking starving.”

“You can go,” I said. “We don’t have to talk about this.”

“Yeah, we do,” Mason said. “Or I’m gonna hit Jonny with a wooden spoon the next time he opens his mouth to startbitching. I’m getting really bloody sick of his nonsense and I’m sure you are too.”

“A little.” The admission was hard but only because saying it aloud made it feel so real. Jonny knew I was pissed at him, that was obvious from the way we’d fought recently and the way I’d pushed back when he’d angrily declared he didn’t care who I shagged, but it was one thing to fight and another to admit it was getting to me. “I don’t want to lose him over something as stupid as a boy. It feels like maybe it’s my fault, but when I think that I get so angry because it’s not fair of him to make me feel like this. He’ll never want me the way I want him, so why the fuck can’t he let me find someone else?”

The words spilled out of me and the raw silence that followed made it seem like the whole world was holding its breath.

I’d said too much, let too many of my secrets out, and I couldn’t bring myself to look at either of the men sat beside me because I knew the second I did I’d fall apart. My feelings for Jonny were something I’d intended to take to my grave, and in three days I’d told three men, one of whom I hardly knew.

So much for secrecy.

“Hey, it’s okay,” West said, putting his arm around me and squeezing as Mason did the same from the other side. “We won’t tell a soul.”

“We promise,” Mason said. Their arms were a warm, comforting weight across my shoulders as they shuffled closer, practically enveloping me in a mountain of muscle. “And we’re not going to let you lose Jonny either.”

“I don’t think you get to decide that,” I said. It was meant to be a joke but it was very obviously not one.

Mason chuckled. “Watch me. I won’t have him fucking this up because he’s decided he can’t hold a conversation or get his head out his ass.”

“Thanks.”

“Can I ask…”

“How long?” I asked, finishing West’s sentence for him.

“Yeah,” he said. “You don’t have to tell us, though.”

“A while,” I said finally, fixing my eyes on a spot on the wall opposite us. “Long enough that I should’ve gotten over it by now. Not long enough that I’ve given up hope he might magically change his mind. But definitely long enough that I should know better.”

“We all need a bit of hope,” West said. “And people change. Not everyone knows who they are straight away. It takes some people a long time to figure it out.”

“Look at me,” Mason said. “I only figured it out this year. I thought I might be bi for a while but I never really acted on it until Ryan gave me space to explore. Some people don’t get that until they’re in their thirties or forties, even their seventies! Maybe Jonny’s just not there yet.”

“Maybe… Peaches said something like that too. The fact we’re so close, the fact he didn’t want to hear about my dates, how possessive he gets… only his suggestion was to try gently forcing his hand. See if that’d help. But I think it made him worse. If he does have feelings, he’s so unaware of them they might as well be non-existent,” I said sadly, my body sagging as all the fight drained out of me, my emotions pressing down on me like a ten-ton barbell.

“It’ll be all right,” Mason said, squeezing my shoulder again. “I promise.” He let go of me and stood up, gesturing towards the door with his head. “You go home and get some rest. Have something to eat.”

“What’re you going to do?” I asked, glancing between him and West. It didn’t feel like this conversation had really finished but it was clearly over.

“Nothing,” West said casually as he stood and stretched, showing off just how imposing his figure was.

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