Page 71 of The Fly-Half

Counted to three.

One.

Two.

Three.

Taken another breath and uncurled the fist that had formed at my side.

Opened my eyes to see Mason watching me with wary eyes, waiting to see how I’d react and whether he’d need to tackle meto the floor before I got a red card for behaving like a complete twat.

I’d nodded at him and taken another breath, then closed the gap to Devon and began calling his name, hoping he wasn’t out cold.

And now I had to watch him walking away with a black eye and a potential orbital fracture, knowing there was nothing I could do except my job.

As a player, I was supposed to be good at compartmentalising but this was testing my abilities to the limit. Because how could I put Devon in a box and pretend nothing had happened? How could I forget the way his face had swollen and the way he’d hissed when Meredith had barely touched him? And how could I pretend he hadn’t called me out in front of everyone, telling me not to do something I’d regret?

And then there was the last thing we’d said to each other before he’d walked away.

I hadn’t been intending to tell him I loved him, not like that. I’d wanted it to be special. Romantic. Not thrown out on the middle of a rugby pitch during a medical emergency. But it was so fitting for us I almost wanted to laugh.

“Are you okay?” Mason asked as we walked back to reform the scrum so the match could restart. “Do you need anything?”

“I’m… I don’t know.” I let out another deep breath and rolled my shoulders, trying to focus on the task in front of me. “I’m glad he’s all right but I wish I could go with him.”

“I know.” Mason put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed. “He’d be fucking pissed at you, though.”

“Yeah, I’d never hear the end of it.” I managed a small smile. “Just gotta… put it in a box. Forget about it.”

“No,” Mason said with a shake of his head. “Don’t forget. Use it as fuel. Just don’t let it control you. Embrace the rage, but channel it.” He grinned at me. “Like D&D.”

I snorted but his advice was actually helpful. “Think we can roll a nat twenty on this scrum? Get the ball across the line.”

“Only one way to find out.”

We reformed the scrum, barely three meters from the goal line. A couple of the guys clapped me on the shoulder before we crouched down. All of us were feeling the pressure now and we couldn’t let ourselves crumble. Not when we were so close.

The simmering anger under my skin was still there, threatening to run wild and ruin everything. But I wasn’t going to let it control me this time.

As I crouched down and grabbed the back of Hunter’s and Gabriel’s shorts, I closed my eyes for a second and thought about Devon. I pictured his smile over breakfast every morning, the look of complete calm on his face before he took a kick, the rumpled expression he wore when he woke up and wasn’t quite awake, still clinging to the vague hope of going back to sleep.

I thought about my need to protect him and my desire to make him proud. To be worthy of his love.

He already loved me, but that didn’t mean I could do less. I had to prove to him I could be the man he thought I was.

The whistle blew and I moved, hauling Hunter and Gabriel up and locking into place behind them, my arms around their thighs and my head between them as the two scrums collided. Muffled voices yelled as we pushed forward, trying to force them to give. I could see the ball on the turf where Matty had put it in, slowly rolling towards me, nudged by various feet.

My moment would be brief, barely a couple of seconds. Everything I did had to count.

I broke away and grabbed the ball, ducking out to the side of the scrum. There were people there waiting for it, but I wasn’t going to pass. I barrelled on, my desire, my love, and my anger fuelling me as I surged towards the line. The Angers players triedto stop me, but I didn’t give a shit, using every bit of my strength to push through them.

My body skimmed across the cold turf as I slid across the line with the ball cradled in my arm, putting it on the grass as the crowd erupted. The whistle blew and I slowly picked myself off the ground, only to be smothered by joyous teammates.

“You fucking did it,” Bailey yelled as he threw himself across my shoulders while Kegan and Danny clapped me on the chest.

“Yeah he did,” West said, appearing from behind me with Mason and Jaden, a smile on his exhausted face.

“And you managed not to punch anyone,” Mason added with a proud smile.

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