Page 189 of Off the Pitch

#whatifitwasaman

Jordan

There was an itch under my skin I just couldn’t shake, and everything was making me antsy.

I’d been named in the England squad for the upcoming international friendly against Croatia, which would be one of the last before they started making the initial long list for World Cup squad selection. It meant it would be my last chance to show the England manager, Nigel Grant, I was worthy of selection. I had to make the long list if I ever wanted to be considered for the final squad they’d name in late May.

I’d missed out on the last World Cup since I’d only been nineteen and hadn’t been nearly good enough to make the senior squad. I’d played in the under-21s, but that wasn’t the same. I wanted to make it to Italy this summer and help the team fight for that trophy.

Christian was guaranteed to make it. Liam and I were convinced he’d make captain too. He deserved it, and I knew I’d follow him. Christian was young, but he knew what he was doing. He had the most tactical brain of anyone I’d ever played with, and there was something about him that made people want to play for him. A quiet charm and confidence that made you believe in what he said. If anyone could bring a team together and convince them England actually had a chance, it was Christian.

“J, you okay?” I looked up from my seat on my living room floor at my other best friend, Dani, who was sitting on my sofa and giving me some serious side-eye. I had another sofa, but ever since we were little kids playing video games together, we’d always sat like this. I wasn’t going to jinx myself by sitting somewhere else.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

“Because I’ve smashed you twice and you haven’t even noticed,” she said, holding up the old GameCube controller. We’d been playingSuper Smash Bros.together for almost as long as I’d known her, and it’s the game we always came back to when we got together. “Mario is literally staring into space.”

“Shit.” I focused back on the screen and noticed the score counter. “You’re kicking my ass.”

“Duh, it’s not hard.” Dani chuckled. “I’ve been doing it since we were six.”

“Remind me why we’re friends again?” I asked, scanning the screen to see what the situation was. I was getting my ass royally handed to me, and Dani wasn’t even trying.

“Because we got stuck with each other when we were four, and now we know too many of each other’s secrets not to be friends,” she said, as her Princess Peach avatar smacked poor Mario around the head.

I laughed. “Something like that. Mate, will you stop hitting me with that fucking parasol!”

“Nope. You snooze you lose!”

“You are so fucking mean! Are you like this with all your clients?” Dani was a personal trainer and fitness model. These days she lived in Manchester, and it sucked ass because it meant I hardly got to see her. Dani had been my best friend since our first day of primary school when we’d both chosen to play with the cars on the little city playmat. Like Liam, Dani had casually adopted me, and we’d been inseparable for nearly twenty years.

We’d dated a bit in high school and hooked up off and on while she’d been at university, but we’d always been better as friends. Still, I had to credit Dani with introducing me to some of my favourite sexual things since she’d been the one who’d pegged me.

“Nope, they love me,” she said, “even when I make them cry.”

“Holy shit, you made someone cry?” I asked, pausing the game and turning around to give her a tell-me-more grin. “Who?”

“Some dude-bro at the gym,” she said, giving me the wicked smile I’d always loved. It was the one that spelt trouble. She flicked a couple of stray braids over her shoulder as she continued. “He tried to correct my squat form while I was working out last week.”

“Fucking hell, really? Is he still alive?”

“I think so. I made him do sets against me, and he nearly cried when I squatted more than him. And then Mo walked past and asked this dude-bro if he was getting tips from me since I’ve got the best form of anyone he’s ever met. Dude went bright red and tongue tied. I actually think I made him cry!”

“Oh my God!” I burst out laughing. “That’s fucking brilliant. What did he do?”

“Not much,” Dani said with a shrug. “I thought he might kick off at first because some guys hate it when girls squat more than them ’cos their masculinity is so fragile, but he just stormed off. But then he came back before I left and apologised, and then asked if I did training sessions. He’s booked in with me next week.”

“That’s fucking priceless.” That was one of the things I loved about Dani—she always owned how awesome she was, and she’d never let anyone forget it. I’d never seen her let anyone tell her what she could and couldn’t do, and I’d always found it an odd combination of terrifying and insanely hot. She’d always told me to ‘fuck self-doubt’, and it was something I tried to remember on those days when I couldn’t make my feet do what I wanted or when I hadn’t played as well as I thought I should have. Fuck self-doubt. I had to believe in myself.

“I know.” Dani started up the game again. “So, what’s got you so distracted today, J? You seeing someone?”

“What? No!” I said, maybe a bit more defensively than I’d intended. Technically, I wasn’t dating anyone. Hooking up, yes. Dating, definitely not. Félix and I had hooked up quite a few times over the past couple of weeks, either here or at his hotel, and it always went the same way—amazing sex, maybe some food, and then another great fuck. Sometimes time was more limited, so it would be one round instead of two or three, but it was always insanely good, and I couldn’t stop thinking about it afterwards.

“Liar,” Dani said, as Princess Peach smacked Mario around the head again. “Who is she?”

“I’m not lying!”

“Yeah, you are. I know you, J, and you always get distracted like this when you’re thinking about sex.”

---