Page 241 of Off the Pitch

“I mean it can’t go any worse than when I told Ali,” Liam said. “I, um, I wanted it to be special, right, but we were only like sixteen and didn’t have any money, so we were just chilling at my house, and I was trying to make us lasagne for dinner. Anyway, I couldn’t get the lid off this jar of tomato sauce, so I tried tapping it on the edge of the counter, and um, I hit it too hard, and it kinda exploded all over us. And Ali was wearing a white jumper. So there’s us, covered in tomato sauce, glass everywhere, and she was like, ‘Why’d you do that?’ and I just said, ‘’Cos I love you’.” Liam chuckled, shaking his head. “So, you’ve just gotta do better than that.”

“Oh my God, you are such an idiot,” I said. I couldn’t hold back my laughter. “Mate, why on earth is she married to you?”

“I have no idea. She’s amazing though. I love her so fucking much.”

We sat in silence for a moment, and all I could think about was how grateful I was for our friendship. I didn’t think I’d be able to do half the things I did without Liam to cheer me on. “Guess we’ve just gotta be brave then?”

“Yeah, I guess we do,” he said. “By the way, there’s something you should know. Christian’ll probably tell you, but I’m just giving you a heads up. He and Hugo are planning to come out next week, like publicly to the press.”

“Holy shit, really?” For the second time in an hour, my heart dropped out through my stomach. That was something I hadn’t been expecting.

“Yeah. He said he’s been wanting to do it for a while, but with the engagement and everything… I guess he’s just ready.”

“We’d better be too,” I said. My mind was already thinking about what the press might say. I didn’t think it was going to be pretty. But I knew Christian would have thought of that. Our job was just to make sure he felt safe and to show him how fucking proud we were of him. And if anyone didn’t like it, well they could fuck off.

“I think the whole team’s going to watch,” Liam said. “Y’know for moral support. I said we’d be there.”

“Of course we fucking will.” I paused, wondering if I should tell Liam what was on my mind. “Do you think he’d mind if Félix came too?” Liam quirked an eyebrow, and I realised he needed context. “Look, I’m not giving you all the details, ’cos it’s not for me to share, but Félix had a bad experience with football and coming out when he was younger, and I just… I want him to see that it’s different now. I want him to see how much we love Christian.”

“I mean, I don’t think Christian will mind. Plus, he’s Trossero’s brother, so I think he’ll be able to squeeze in. Have you told Trossero yet?”

“Nah, I’ve been trying to find the right moment, and this is really not it.”

“Yeah, I think he’s got enough on his plate right now. He doesn’t need to know you’re banging his little brother.” Liam smirked. “That’s gonna be a super fun convo. Hey, if you two get married, does that mean Trossero becomes your brother?”

“Shut up,” I said, rolling my eyes and stealing a handful of pretzels, laughing at the shocked look on his face. I grabbed the PS4 controller from beside me. “Come on, let’s playFIFAor something.”

“Man, I suck atFIFA,” Liam grumbled.

“And that’s why we’re gonna play it.” I flicked the console on, trying to ignore the little voice in my head that filled me with doubt.

Should I be coming out too?

Chapter Twenty-Nine

#loveislove #gay

Jordan

The small press centre at the training ground was already heaving when Liam and I arrived. We squeezed into a small spot at the back where the rest of the team was already waiting.

The little stage at the front was set up with microphones and name cards and bottles of water, but there was no sign of Christian or Hugo at the moment. No sign of Lucas either. David and Kit were seated in the front row, off to the side, surrounded by a small army of Greenwich staff and security. Kit’s red hair shone starkly against the sea of dark blue uniforms and training tops.

I knew Félix was here somewhere as well, although how he’d managed to talk his way in, I didn’t know. Maybe he’d managed to sweet talk his brother by saying he wanted to provide silent moral support from the sidelines. Glancing around the room, I couldn’t see him, but my view was limited by the crowds of journalists. The whole of the world’s media seemed to be here, setting up cameras or preparing questions while double-checking their recording devices to make sure they could capture every word. I knew they hadn’t been told what the press conference was about; all they knew was that Christian and Hugo were making an announcement.

Part of me wondered what the press thought they were here for, and I kept half an ear on their muttered conversations, trying to listen to their discussions about what the topic might be. The rest of me was trying not to vomit.

I was so nervous for Christian and Hugo. I was fucking terrified of the reaction they were going to get because I knew how much David and Kit meant to them. I hated that they had to get up and do this simply because if they didn’t, they wouldn’t be free to live their lives the way they wanted to.

The other reason I felt sick was that I was starting to wonder if it was cowardly of me to stand here and watch them instead of sitting up there next to them and proudly admitting who I was. Part of me wanted to because why the fuck should I hide. The other, louder, part of me wanted to run away screaming because this all felt so new to me. Admitting it to the world was really fucking different than admitting it to my friends and family. Félix and I had only just decided we were dating, and while everything was amazing, that didn’t mean I had the courage to admit that to everyone.

Just because I’d never felt this way about another person didn’t mean I was ready to share it. Fuck, I hadn’t even told Félix how I felt about him. I mean, I’d told him I really liked him, and that he was hot as balls. But I hadn’t told him about the way my heart raced every time I saw him, or the way I smiled every time I thought about him, or that I’d had to stop for a moment yesterday because I’d thought of something that would make him laugh, and I’d been overwhelmed with the desire to tell him right then.

I’d not told him just how much he meant to me.

“You okay?” Liam asked, nudging my shoulder and giving me a concerned smile.

“Yeah, I’m okay,” I said, swallowing back the bile in my throat.

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