Page 85 of Faithful

White flashes across my eyes, fraying my vision.

There’s a push, and then I’m being filled and stretched and claimed ever so painstakingly slowly.

I can’t think. “Oh fuck… oh fuck…” The words, hoarse and immediate, spill from my lips into the heated space between us like some sort of confession.

It is too much and too little all at once.

The slick aching advance and the pull back and the raw return.

So this is what it’s like for him.

Kai thrusts a little bit harder, changing his angle, and suddenly I’m seeing stars.

“Yes?” he asks, panting and very out of control and near completion. His hand finds mine on the bedding next to my head and he laces our fingers together. There’s a sound, a wrinkle of plastic on plastic as our wrists collide.

I reach up and cradle the back of his head to pull him a little closer. “Yes. A thousand times yes.”

10 BACK TO REALITY

I’m not sure how I’m able to function when I return to Seattle.

Monday is a violent slap of grim reality in my face. A reality where Kai is in another state, and I miss him so much that it physically hurts.

Of course, I can’t tell anyone that, but Val and Winona pick up on my state of melancholy the moment I walk through the door. I’m bleary-eyed and carrying a tray of large coffees as an offering for being thirty minutes late.

I’m stuck somewhere between abest fuck I ever hadeuphoria and a fast-approaching depression for the remainder of the day.

On Tuesday too.

Kai and I talk on the phone a little, but mostly we exchange random messages and memes because he and I are on different schedules now. As much as I would love to chat with him until sunrise after he’s done with his gig, I know I’m not going to be very productive at work if I continue to ignore the fact that human beings need more than three hours of sleep.

On Wednesday morning when I’m back at the office and trying to do some research for Gin, my aunt texts me an invitation to dinner at her place.

I accept.

I already saw my mother the other day when I stopped by the mansion to say hi and she was looking about the same, dressed and fussy and a little out of it. I suspect Amelia wants to either talk about her or just have the two of us over because that’s what families do.

I eat my lunch alone in my cubicle. Chewing on my sub, I try to tune out Winona’s rant about her recent dating fiasco while skimming through the latest updates on Iodine’s stint in Vegas and Divine Dave’s stupid petition. Then a new Google alert hits my phone.

Does This Mean Kai Delisa Is Taken?the headline in the preview reads.

My stomach dips.

What the fuck?

I don’t think I’ve ever clicked on an article this fast in my entire life.

As I set my sub aside, I drink in the image that was used as the header of the post. A quick glance at the URL confirms that it’s not a reputable publication but some kind of gossip blog.

I feel relieved. Not fully, but it eases my paranoia a bit.

In the photo, Kai is on stage at Double Down with the mic stand extended into the crowd and his tat–the new one–peeking out from under the slightly pulled-back sleeve of his coat. Knowing how protective he is of his body and especially his scars (that aren’t really visible in this image unless you zoom in and concentrate), this seems like a very well-staged shot.

At first, I’m panicking. Then I’m confused. Eventually, I’m curious.

That’s why I text him the link.

did you see this?

---