Page 58 of Faithful

I don’t ask why he’s chosen for our first time to be faceless. Part of me guesses and part of me wonders, but at the present, I only need to concentrate on a single task–ensuring I don’t do something wrong, that I don’t hurt him.

“Yeah… just like that,” Kai mutters, his words slurred now and barely discernible behind the string of breathy sounds. “Keep going… Add another finger.”

There’s something very sexy about him being able to walk me through the preparation with such expertise while writhing on the sheets lost in a haze of obvious pleasure.

“Is this okay?” I ask throatily, leaning over and sliding my mouth against the slope of his inked shoulder. Because I need to touch him in more than one way.

“Yes… fuck… keep going… Make it ready for you.”

More slurred words. Then a roll of his hips. Gasps, mine and his.

At some point when my own desire becomes too much, I reach down, squeeze my cock, and give it a couple of lazy strokes just to release some of the pressure. It doesn’t help. On the contrary, it only pushes me closer to that invisible line I’m scared to cross. The line beyond which control doesn’t exist.

“God, just fuck me already,” Kai says through gritted teeth as I continue to slowly work him.

I remove my fingers. Reposition myself on the bed. Every single action is a mixture of intuition and blindly following his commands.

“You need more lube,” he says in a low voice, clasping the sheets harder and dragging them closer.

Wow, he managed a complete sentence.

I obey, thoroughly slicking myself up with quaking hands.

A single glance at the shadowed lines of the body in front of me and I’m starting to seriously lose it.

I’m glad it’s mostly dark here. Seeing him so exposed and so compliant under the light would be my ruin.

Various emotions rush through me all at once, mostly an unreasonable desire to possess but there are others too: tenderness, joy, fear, excitement, guilt, anger.

An image, clear as day, plants itself into my brain, and I act on it. I grab at his thighs and nudge him up and backward along with me to the edge of the bed. He doesn’t protest or ask any questions.

There’s a moment, a very distinct one, where we’re both in a vertical position, my chest at his back, a knee propped against the sturdy mattress, a foot on the floor. One hand is wrapped around his neck, fingers tangled in still-damp black hair. Another hand skims down and over his hip bone, looking for his erection, palming it, giving it a firm jerk.

He says nothing, just moans quietly. And that sound… that sound, so sweet, does me in.

Releasing his cock, I push his head down. Smash it against the sheets the same way he smashed me back against his minivan that night on the bridge.

Surprisingly, there’s no struggle, only more muffled, sensuous whimpers.

My other hand returns to his thigh, finds leverage.

“Do you like that?” I force the words out, still holding him down. “Do you like being so powerless when you’re with me? Does this turn you on?”

Kai grunts an affirmative into the sheets.

It’s all the confirmation I need.Okay, I’m on the right track. He’s one of those people who hates giving up control unless it’s sex.Pulse banging in my eardrums, I briefly remember that I read about it somewhere online while doing my research.

I release his neck and smooth both palms down his rigid back and firm ass, soaking up the warmth and solidity of his beautiful body, not quite believing that this is really happening, that I’m going to be given this–something I’ve been subconsciously craving since the moment I saw him for the very first time at that Tacoma warehouse.

Stomach in knots and cock poised at his entrance, I push inside.

There’s resistance at first. A warning to keep those dark impulses at bay. And oh god, it’s so tight that I’m suddenly terrified to move, terrified it’s not anatomically possible. My fingers press into the hard flesh of his thighs with a little more enthusiasm than necessary.There are going to be marks, I find myself thinking, lost somewhere in between, half-buried in his body, lingering on the edge.

“Come on… fuck me already,” Kai mutters encouragingly.

Head spinning, I move. A slow, cautious thrust until he begins to open up.

Flutters sweep through my abdomen. It’s more private than I expected, the gift of acceptance and submission.

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