Page 35 of Faithful

“What if I’m not?”

“How about you let me take a peek so I can decide for myself? I’m sick and tired of people deciding for me. Huh? How about that, Kai? How about you meet me halfway?”

I realize that I’ve just shouted the last sentence and I clamp my hand over my mouth, terrified that Leigh woke up because she heard me getting all emotional atfuck knows what timein the morning.

“You ever thought,” he rasps out, “that some secrets are better remaining secrets?”

“No.”

“I don’t want to lose you…”

My breath catches in my throat. Something swoops low in my stomach, like the flap of a butterfly's wings. “What makes you think you will?” I have to force myself to say it because I’m a little light-headed.

“I know I will… It’s just too fucking dark there…”

“Where?”

“Where I’m going.”

“You don’t have to.”

“I don’t think you understand.” His voice turns weak and wobbly and sounds distant. “I have no control over it. This world isn’t for me but that place… that place where I’m headed, that darkness… calls to me… And when it does, I’m no longer able to say no.”

I know I’m about to overstep his boundaries, but I ask anyway. “Is that place… where you got your scars?”

Silence.

More silence.

More, more, more fucking silence.

I start panicking. He either fell asleep or… Or what? Stopped breathing? Got lost? Dropped his phone? Decided he didn’t want to talk to me? All of the above? What the fuck do I do?

Then comes a quiet “Yeah.”

I let out a sigh of relief. “Kai?”

“Mmm?”

“I’ll be there tomorrow. You wait for me?”

“Sure.”

“I’m fucking serious. Wait for me.”

“Where am I gonna go?” He laughs softly and although it’s not a happy laugh, it’s not an unhappy one either. It’s something I find acceptable and not alarming enough for me to barge into Leigh’s room and ask to borrow her credit card (since I already ran mine dry) so I could get on a flight to Nashville sooner.

“I don’t know. You’re talking nonsense again.”

“I always talk nonsense.”

“That you do…”

We pause.

“Hey…” I mutter, sensing that the best thing right now would be to just divert the conversation elsewhere, to distract him. “How come I don’t have any pictures of you?”

“Really? There aren’t enough photos of me online?”

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