Page 104 of Faithful

“No, I haven’t come out yet and I’m thinking I don’t feel like making an event out of it, but I’d like to start… being myself around people I work with.”

My boss stares at my face for what seems like forever, and I don’t know why but my pulse is so fast, it scares the hell out of me.

“So, you’re asking me if it’s okay for you to bring someone you’re seeing?” Gin says.

“No, I’m asking you if it’s safe to bring someone I’m seeing. I don’t want to find photos of us in the tabloids the next morning.”

She smiles. “You don’t have to worry about it, Dylan. It's a super small affair. We probably will have no more than ten people, and I can talk to the girls and ask them to keep things to ourselves. There’s no need to pretend with us.”

“Thanks.”

As soon as I leave Gin’s office, I text Kai to let him know I’d like to have a conversation after I get off work.

The rest of the day passes by in a blur, and by the time I climb into my Charger, I’m high on the idea of Kai coming to my work party.

I haven’t even gotten him to talk to me after that drunken declaration of love over the weekend, but the thought of not playing a character in front of my coworkers fills me with nervous energy.

Impatient, I dial Kai from my car. I’m in the snow-covered parking lot with the heater on and music playing in the background. The volume is low enough for me to be able to hear his voice clearly when he answers my call.

“We shouldn’t be doing this–”

“Just hear me out, okay?” I say, my anxiety taking over. “I thought about it. I did. I promise. It’s my decision and it has nothing to do with you giving me an ultimatum.”

“It wasn’t an ultimatum. It’s just how I feel.” He releases a shaky breath and I sense his apprehension even over the phone. I imagine he’s looking for his Parliaments. It’s just something that happens to him when he’s rattled, the craving for a cigarette.

“For some inexplicable reason and despite the fact that you fucked up my face, I’ve fallen in love with you… But I’ve been keeping my life contained and protecting my secrets for so long, I can’t do this anymore, especially now with the press and the fans tracking my every step and twisting my every word. My life is a shit show, and the only thing that makes me happy is you. But if I can’t be happy in front of friends and family, if I have to hide you like some dirty secret, what’s the point of all this? What’s the point of us, Dylan?”

I let it all sink it.

A long, pregnant pause ensues, and I’m guessing he’s smoking now.

My gaze slides to my other hand where it’s clutching the steering wheel. I release my hold and brush my wrist against it, pushing up the sleeve of my winter coat as if to check on the ink. It's still there. The half heart with the date in it. Kai has the same one.

“So, there’s this Christmas party at my work,” I begin. “It’s nothing big. Just my coworkers and their dates. Would you like to come with me?”

More silence. Then, “You don’t have to do this.”

“What if I want to? You think I’m in the closet because it’s my choice? It was never my choice. The possibility of a choice actually didn’t materialize until I met you. I told you I thought about it. And I did. I want to start small but I’m not doing this for you. I’m doing this for me and for us. Will you come?”

“I’d love to.”

“Great. I’ll text you all the details.”

13 EMOTIONAL ROLLER COASTER

A week before Christmas Gavin finally finds time in his busy schedule to call his only son.

I’m at work and I don’t hear my phone ring and only get to listen to his clipped voicemail after I clock out for the day.

He wants to see me and he’s planning to stop by the following evening.

I replay the message twice, trying to understand if there are any hidden threats against Kai, but Gavin is too smart to leave that kind of evidence in the recording. Nothing he says indicates his sudden desire to bond with me has something to do with my recent decision to come out.

Besides, no one but my aunt, Gin, Leigh, Kai, and his manager knows I’m gay.

Well, Finn too, but he probably doesn’t give a flying fuck about my affairs.

So perhaps my father just wants to wish me a Merry Christmas.

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