Page 114 of Red Hot Harmony

“Look at me, Ally.”

She shifted, her eyes slowly meeting mine.

“Braden assaulted you.”

The silence that fell was brittle and heavy and ominous.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Ally finally muttered.

“We found you drunk and semi-unconscious in bed with someone who had no business even touching a fifteen-year-old girl, Ally!” I wasn’t screaming, but I was halfway there and only after the phrase had left my mouth did I remember to curb my anger.

“I wanted it. He didn’t make me,” Ally spat, shimmying off the bed and stomping to the opposite side of the room, her arms crossed on her chest.

“He doesn’t have to make you for it to be against the law.”

She turned around to face me, her expression both hurt and furious. “How is it against the law if I went willingly? No one forced me. It was my choice.”

“Ally...” I sighed. Took a step forward. Drew a deep breath. “You don’t have a choice at fifteen.”

She unfolded her arms and let them fall to her sides, then around and behind her body. Usually, she stuffed her hands into the back pockets of her skinny jeans when she was agitated, but she wore a pair of Cassy’s shorts now and her arms just dangled there awkwardly for a couple of seconds, before she crossed them over her chest again.

“Legally, you’re still a child,” I continued, my voice softer. “If you think I don’t understand what it’s like to want to do things at that age, you’re wrong. I was fifteen once. I lived with strict parents too. I’m already trying to give you as much space as I can.”

“Why can’t I date?”

“I didn’t say you can’t go out with someone your own age. But when that person is in their twenties and doesn’t respect you, I’m sorry, but that’s a problem for me.”

“You don’t even know Braden. Don’t you fucking judge him, Mom.”

Something had to be said about the usage of adult profanities, but we were discussing an entirely different subject, so I just let it slide. “Bug, I don’t need to meet him to know he’s not worth a single hair on your head.”

Oddly, Ally was quiet, waiting for me to go on.

So I did. “When you choose to give yourself to someone for the first time, it shouldn’t be because everyone else has already done it and it shouldn’t be because it’s cool. It won’t make you feel any more adult, and then a couple of years later, when you meet someone who’s going to make your blood rush and heart pound, you’ll regret what you did. You’ll regret that you gave yourself to someone who didn’t value you enough to get your consent, to make sure you were comfortable, to make sure you were alone and not at some house party with drunk people roaming around outside your door.” I paused for a moment to take a breath. My own pulse was whooshing in my ears, loud and fast. “You only become a woman once, Ally. Why waste it on a piece of shit who doesn’t care about you, who’ll just fuck you like some rag doll while you’re too drunk out of your mind to even remember the act and then move on to the next girl? Why?”

She swallowed, her features pitched. A look of distress filled her eyes. “You don’t understand anything.”

“Believe it or not, I do, Bug. I see what you see. I’m not blind. Yes, Braden is hot. Yes, he’s in a band. Yes, you’ll have a story to tell to your girlfriends at school, feeling all wonderful and cool and superior because you did it with an older guy. That’s nothing new. Not to you, not to millions of other girls out there who do this every day. But on the inside, you’ll feel hollow and unhappy because you don’t remember it happening. Not really. You don’t remember him telling you all the wonderful things your partner is supposed to tell you when you do it for the first time. You don’t remember, because he never said it, because he didn’t care to make you feel special.”

“You’re mistaken,” Ally hissed, but there was a waver in her voice. “He did make me feel special.”

“No, he didn’t, Bug. If he did, you wouldn’t have gotten drunk. You don’t need to get drunk to feel good when it’s done right.”

“Has it ever occurred to you that I actually wanted to get shitfaced and have sex and not make a big deal out of it?”

“It is a big deal, Ally. Letting someone into your body. You don’t just do that without thinking. There are consequences.”

“Like me? Am I just a consequence to you?”

“Oh, Bug.” The wounded look on her face made everything in me shatter to pieces, and not able to take this separation any longer, I crossed the room and threw my arms around her. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.” I brushed the back of her head where her hair was still damp from her shower. “And I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did and waste your time on boys who aren’t worth it.”

Surprisingly, Ally was quiet and stiff, her cheek smashed against my shoulder.

“Everything is intense when you’re this young, Bug. All your feelings are screaming and amplified and every time something goes wrong it’s the end of the world, but if you just wait a little, if you let yourself be a kid, let me take care of you, things will be different and the world will see you for who you are without you trying so hard to fit in.”

There was a snuffle, then a slurred, “You promise?”

“I promise. And whatever you choose to do—be in a band or record music solo, I’ll be there for you every step of the way. I’ll support you.”

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