Page 113 of Deliverance

“…going to talk?” A tight voice reaches me from the end of the hallway. “When I’m dead?”

I typically don’t eavesdrop, but this is my house and Leo isn’t exactly being quiet. Maybe he isn’t exactly keeping himself in check—as Toby claims—either. Honest truth, I don’t know what to think anymore. I’m just tired and want this day to end.

“You think this is easy for me?” Leo continues.

Pause.

“When, Athena? When?”

Pause.

Now this feels too personal and isn’t something I was meant to hear, but the realization that there’s more to Leo’s relationship with Athena than what he leads everyone to believe keeps me rooted to my spot.

“You know it’s not like that… You know I don’t hate you for what you did.”

Then there’s a whole lot of silence, shuffling, water running, indiscernible noises.

Endless seconds tick by before I brave myself to knock on the bathroom door. “Hey, man. You okay?” My pulse pounds in my ears, refusing to settle.

Leo takes his time to answer. When he finally cracks the door open, the first thing I see is his red-rimmed eyes. “Sorry, dude.” He sniffs. “Long day.”

I rest my forearm against the threshold and study the space behind him. Part of me is convinced he brought drugs. “Same here. Long day.” A soft chuckle leaves my mouth while I study his sunken cheeks. “Are you sure you’re okay? You want to crash here or something?”

“I’m good.” Nodding, he pulls the door open all the way but lingers in his spot—there’s more.

I tread lightly because my worst fears have come true. Leo is the guy you simplycan’t not like. Despite having a whole lot of train wreck moments, he’s humble and real. It feels as though, on a musical level, we’ve built some kind of a connection over the course of these past few weeks and now this connection is growing into something more.

Friendship.

“Look, man. If you want to talk, I’m here.” I lower my voice, my gaze darting down the hallway to make sure we’re alone. “I don’t mean to pry. Your business is your business, but don’t lie to me. I know what good looks like and you’re not it.”

Leo stares at me for a long moment. “Neither are you.”

“You got me there.” I raise both hands, palms out. “I’m a goddamn mess too. I’m not arguing, but you’re going down some dark road right now.”

“Don’t do the whole intervention shit, dude.”

“Listen, no, no…” I stammer and take a step forward, past the threshold. My body is now blocking the exit. “That’s not what I’m doing. I just feel it…happening again.” My eyes close and I’m transported back to the hotel suite—the last place we all shared with Chance when he was still alive. “It’s like…history repeating itself. It creeps up on you so slowly, you don’t even see it until it has its claws around you, and when it does, when you finally see it, it’s already too late. It’s got you, man.” I’m whispering now. “It’s got you.”

When I flick my eyes open, Leo is watching me with what appears to be confusion.

“What’sit? What are you talking about?” he asks solemnly.

“Death.”

He brings his hand to his face and runs it across his mouth and the tremor in his fingers doesn’t escape me.

“I can’t do this again.” I clasp his shoulder, partially for support, partially in an attempt to get through to him. “I can’t see another person wash their life and talent down the drain.”

Leo’s now shaking. He rubs his temples with the heels of his palms, then slaps himself. “Don’t need your fucking pity, Shaw.” His voice is raw and cracked after multiple takes.

I grab his wrist and pull it away from his face. “It’s not pity, man.”

He struggles against my grip, then moves back and circles the bathroom, all while assaulting his forehead. If I didn’t know better, I’d say he had a bug in his brain, but I’ve already picked up on his weird tendency of punishing his own body when he’s upset or excited.

“We’ve all been there,” I say in a hushed voice. “And it’s a fucking scary place and if you tell me how to get you out, I’ll get you out, but you gotta tell me. You gotta tell me…”

Leo stops and lifts his face to the ceiling, his resolve coming back. “I missed it all.” A bitter smile settles onto his lips. “I had it and I missed it, and everything I’m doing…everything I’ve been doing…is making less and less sense every year.” He looks at me with his bloodshot eyes and my heart squeezes in my chest under his tortured gaze.

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