Page 90 of Deliverance

“The other night”—he inhales sharply and switches to a whisper—“I didn’t mean to come on so strong.”

“Okay.” I give him a single nod, my mind racing in millions of different directions for reasons that have nothing to do with him or what happened between us. I’m trying to process Zander’s words to no avail because the mere thought of Rhys being in L.A. has caused my brain to shut down. My entire body has gone into shock and I realize I’m shaking.

I’m shaking violently.

And I hate it.

“Drew?” The intensity of his sky blue gaze unravels me a little. A man with eyes like his can’t be rotten, can he?

I know he didn’t mean for things to get out of control. He has no idea that the fault is all mine and he blames himself for it. So I let him off the hook. “You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s just…” My throat closes up. “It’s just…that…I don’t date.”

Zander continues to look at me, waiting for more, waiting for an explanation I’m not ready to give. Devastation has already begun lining his features.

“There’s no need to send me any more flowers.”

Confusion twists his forehead. “I didn’t. And the late-night call was…an oversight.”

The floor beneath me shifts. If Zander didn’t send me the flowers then… Panic rises in my chest. My impulse pushes me to call Santiago and ask him to come back, but I can’t keep running to him for help every time I’m scared. I’ve jeopardized his sleep one too many times.

“Drew?” Zander’s voice sounds far away, as if we’re under water.

I swipe my thumb over the screen of my phone to unlock it and start typing a message to Tina. My hands quake, my vision abandons me, and the keyboard is swimming.

I can’t do this right now. I can’t do this right now. I can’t do this right now.

I must have said it out loud, because his next question comes as a surprise. “Do you want me to leave?”

I swallow past the knot binding my vocal cords and scrutinize him through the fog of anguish and fear surrounding me. He’s giving me a choice. A choice that has never been given to me before. And it’s a powerful emotion—to hold someone’s fate in the palm of my hand.

“I’ll go if it’s really what you want.” Zander’s voice is so low that I can hardly hear him over the racket filling the hallway. “But you and I…we both know there’s something there. I felt it. So did you.” He pauses as if he needs to catch his breath. “I’ve never done this before—asked a woman to reconsider, but I’m asking now. On your terms. However it works for you.”

I’m lost for words. Too much has been thrown at me all at once.

“But if you don’t have room for me in your life, I understand,” he continues. “If the possibility of us doesn’t appeal to you, tell me and I’ll go. I’ll never text you or call you or seek you out again.” Another pause. “Do you want me to leave?”

My phone shakes along with the rest of me as a single word escapes my mouth, “No.”

Relief floods Zander’s face. He treads forward, erasing the empty space between us, and his large palms cradle my small quivering ones to steady them.

I stare at our tangled hands and then do the unspeakable.

Ignoring all logic, I burrow myself into him. Curl my body into his rock-solid frame. “No, I don’t want you to leave.”

He seems as taken aback by my action as I am by my decision to do so in public. His arms wrap around me gently, deft fingers sinking into my hair.

I’m not certain what’s come over me. We’re nothing. Or at least, we haven’t been since the moment I kicked him out of my studio up until tonight. Beyond that? It’s hard to describe, but it does exist. I felt it the night we met. I just don’t know what to label it yet, but I do know it brings me comfort.

After a long moment of silence, Zander finally braves a question. “Drew, is something wrong?”

Dragging him into my problems seems unfair, so I shake my head and pretend that they don’t exist. “No.” At least for now.

Tina’s growl resounding down the hallway startles me. I forgot that I texted her in a moment of panic. “You’ve got to be kidding me!”

She stops and peers at us in horror as I draw back from Zander’s body, my arms clutching my middle.

“Tina.” Zander flashes her a grin, intent on what, I don’t understand. If he’s naive enough to think his charm will calm her down, he’s mistaken. Raging Tina is a Tina you don’t want to cross, no matter who you are.

She fixes her deadly stare on his face first. “Did I give you permission to steal my client away so the two of you could make out?” Then she looks at me. “Is he the SOS you just texted me about?”

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