Page 19 of Deliverance

We share a loud laugh and mull over what to play next. Somewhere there—between Jake’s screaming and my pounding on the drums—I got a glimpse of how it used to be, of how it used to be among the four of us. Justice, Cruz, Chance, me. Unpretentious. Easy. Wild.

I feel like I’m at a crossroads of sorts, and I don’t know which path to take. I do know, however, that at this point in my life, there’s no going back.

Justice is happy doing solo stuff. He tracked his first album in this very studio shortly after his daughter was discharged from the NICU. There are tons of framed photos of her on the walls. It looks almost as if this space is telling her life story. In some, she’s a bald bundle. Then she’s a wide-eyed girl with golden curls. I imagine Justice will have a hard time scaring away the boys once she’s older.

There are a few shots of Faith and Aiden together, there are some of Hazel and their extended family, and looking at these images up close gives me an answer to my question about where things are headed.

The beast has been tamed. The Deviant is a thing of the past.

Part of me rebels against the thought, but another part of me feels nothing.

This is indeed the end ofthatroad, the voice in my head whispers.

And perhaps this strange emptiness that engulfs my chest is another indication that I’ve accepted the fact that my heart desires something else, something new, something that will fill that void.

That’s exactly why, two hours later, once we’ve eaten and are done messing around in the studio, I find myself back by the pool, texting Ian.

Tell McCully I’m down to meet up with the guys.

The sun hangs low on the horizon, staining the water with a fiery orange hue. In the distance, the slope of a mountain twinkles with the lights of the houses hiding among the greenery. The ocean stretching in front of us is a glittering, roaring monster, and I can feel the air getting cooler with each passing second, which reminds me to check on my shirt that Hazel snatched from me earlier so she could throw it in the washer.

Seated in a small circle, Justice, Jake, and Declan are deep in conversation, but it’s lost on me because Rocky is monopolizing all my time. He shows off his new phone, which I find really weird because I remember getting my first cell much later in life. Much, much later.

Exhausted from being in the pool all day, Wendy’s youngest is sleeping in a chair by her side. Corrine took her niece upstairs for a proper nap. Aiden is racing across the lawn on his bicycle, narrow chest puffed up with pride.

Above us, a few lines of string lights flicker on, and Hazel, Rayna, and Drew begin to gather up the dirty plates.

“Hey, bud,” I tell Rocky. “Let me see if the ladies want some help.” I rise to my feet and make my way to the table. “Need a hand?”

“Have him do the dishes.” Dom chuckles, glancing up from his phone. I suspect the no-talking-shop-by-the-pool rule doesn’t apply to him. He’s always working. Dude hasn’t made any phone calls, but he’s certainly drummed out at least three dozen emails.

“Oh, look at that. We’ve got our first volunteer.” Hazel stops fussing with the plates and rests both hands on her hips. “Are you ready to get your hands dirty?”

“You make it sound so criminal.” I grin at her.

“It can be, drummer boy.” Rayna wiggles her thin brows and slaps my biceps with a kitchen towel. She tends to flirt with all of us from time to time, including Justice. It’s harmless, though, and something tells me it’s her way to fight nervousness whenever she gets invited to one of these things. We’re an intimidating bunch, even underneath our stage personas. Years and years of wild life on the road will do that to a person.

“Take this.” Drew shoves a large bowl with several wilted pieces of lettuce on the very bottom at me. I guess it was a salad.

She grabs an empty mason jar and juts her chin in the direction of the house. “Come on.”

Hazel and Rayna walk behind us, silverware rattling softly against the plates they’re carrying.

A few scattered whistles from the guys echo in the wake of my departure.

“Z-man on dishwashing duties tonight!” I hear Cruz hoot.

Asshole is enjoying it, and I can’t help but sift through various revenge options. Dumping him in the pool tops my list.

I make a mental note of it and switch my attention to the task at hand.

We enter the kitchen and put the dishes on the counter next to the sink that’s already full.

Hazel opens one of the cabinets and sets a bottle of detergent next to me. She’s wearing a smile that’s somewhere between victorious and smug.

“You need a tutorial?” Drew asks teasingly, sensing my hesitation.

What exactly did I get myself into?“I think I can manage loading dishes into a machine.”

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