Page 181 of Deliverance

What’s this button for?

How do I play music?

Can I park it in your garage?

“You can park it in my garage, yes,” I say, thinking to myself that she looks stunning. “It’s yours, no matter what happens between us.”

“What are you talking about?” She drops her hands to her lap and gives me a whimsical look.

“I’m saying the car belongs to you, even if for some reason, you decide to dump my ass, and no, I don’t want you to dump my ass, and yes, I love you more than anything. I just want you to know that.”

“Don’t say stuff like that.” She reaches for my cheek to cup it.

“I won’t anymore.”

Drew is quiet for a long moment, then she asks, “What about insurance? Is there some kind of paperwork I need to fill out?”

“Insurance is handled.”

“Really?” She stretches over to the glove box, her nose brushing mine in the process. The lid pops open and my heart stops for what feels like a good minute while she sifts through the stack of papers.

“Zander?” Her voice is thin. She slides back into her seat, the silver box glimmering in her hand.

My entire body freezes up.

All sounds suddenly fade and silence swells inside the car, heavy and deafening.

Drew shifts and I can feel her burning gaze on me before I turn to face it. “What is this?” The question snaps me back to reality and the noises return. The roar of the ocean. The muffled hum of the motors. The distant chatter of people. The hardly discernible music playing somewhere in the harbor.

I lean forward a bit, not wanting to crowd her too much but just enough to catch the soft scent of her perfume. “Why don’t you open it and find out?”

She does as I say, and the tremor in her fingers is obvious. “Zander…” My name on her breath makes me shiver. “I’m still married.”

The words are like a punch to my gut. “I know.” The speech I prepared is wiped clean from my mind.

Drew plucks the ring from the box and examines it. A sad frown twists her features.

“Listen.” I rest my palm on her shoulder. “It’s not something that has to happen next month or even next year. It’s something that I want to happen when you’re ready, when you know in your heart that you can spend the rest of your life with me, already knowing that’s what I want.”

She swallows and pinches her top lip with her thumb and index finger, a wordless answer.

I didn’t like to be married.

Endless seconds tick by.

“Say something, baby,” I rasp out, my heart hammering in my chest.

Drew drops both hands into her lap again, still clutching the ring. When she looks up at me, her eyes are full of unshed tears that just linger there, small crystals stuck on her lashes. “You understand that I can’t give you kids?” she says quietly, the phrase something between a question and a statement. “I know we didn’t really talk about it, but I can’t. The doctor says with the injuries I received when…” Her entire body begins to shake and she deserts the idea of finishing the sentence.

“Listen”—I slide my hand to her neck—“I told you before and I’m going to tell you again. Everything you are is everything I love and want, and I wouldn’t change a thing. Kids aren’t a deal breaker. And if you ever decide we should have them, then we’ll figure it out. There are tons of options and I have money, but please stop worrying about what you can give me, because I don’t want anything from you except for just being with you.”

Drew nods but slips the ring back into the box and closes it. “Can I think about it?”

“Yes. Keep it, though, while you’re thinking, okay?”

“I will. I just…I need to be in the right state of mind to make this decision and you just gave me a car.” She laughs softly and wipes her eyes with the heels of her hands, smearing some of her makeup, which makes her even more beautiful than she already is.

The space that’s separating us suddenly feels like miles and miles, a distance that’s only growing bigger with each passing moment, and I need to do something about it before we’re so far apart that we’re no longer one.

---