Page 160 of Deliverance

“Imagine your life without her. If you can’t, then she’s the one.”

The words scare me. No, not the words but the possibility that Drew is just a phase, not a constant.

And fuck, I don’t want her to be a phase.

“You’ve got stars in your eyes, man.” Justice clicks his tongue. “There’s your answer.”

I deposit my own drink on the desk and fall back into the chair, palms on my cheeks, pulse roaring.

“It’s okay to talk about it, man.” He leans forward a little and continues, “Your feelings. Just because you’re a dude doesn’t mean you shouldn’t experience things as beautiful as love.”

“Fuck you,” I rasp out, lacing my fingers at the back of my head.

“It’s not like you’ll lose your street cred if you get a girlfriend or get married. You’ll still be a beast of a drummer. Look at Cruz.”

“You’re running a shitty parallel right now. His kids aren’t exactly nice.”

“He’s still the best bassist I’ve met. And kids aren’t supposed to be nice. They’re supposed to keep you on your toes for the rest of your life, and that’s a wonderful thing. That’s how you know you’re alive. That’s how you know you’re human.”

“I said it before and I’ll say it again. You need to stop reading all those philosophy books.”

“And you need to stop fucking around and decide what it is that you want to do with all your freedom.”

Brooding silence descends on us.

I’m lost in my own thoughts for a while. Finally, I tell him, “We’ve only been serious for a few weeks and I don’t want to rush her into anything, but at the same time, I’m afraid to miss a moment.”

“That’s understandable. You shouldn’t push. It’s never the answer.”

“But what do I do then? Just let it play out? How do I tell her that I’m serious this time?”

Justice looks at me long and hard, then says, “You just tell her.”

“That’s it?”

“Yep.”

“Lyrics aren’t my strong suit, you know. You’re the poet.”

He laughs. “Sorry, I don’t write love songs on demand.”

“Fuck you and your love songs.” I grab the drink and down it in two gulps.

“Ask Tyler to help you.” This is obviously a joke.

Speaking of our guitarist. “Have you talked to him recently?”

“No.”

Typical. I don’t even know why I’m asking Justice Cross about Tyler Brady. The two have never gotten along, and it makes me wonder how much of this mutual animosity over the course of the past years contributed to the fact that our lead singer won’t even consider a short reunion.

But I don’t bring up the subject. Band politics is not my responsibility anymore, especially when the band is history.

“I heard he’s single again,” Justice says.

“I thought he and that girl… What’s her name?”

“Isla.”

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