Page 136 of Deliverance

“I can’t stop thinking about it. As if all has been for nothing and he’ll always have control over me, no matter what I do or where I go.”

Zander releases my hands and cups my face. “He’s filth. He doesn’t deserve a single thought. And the next time he tries to come near you, I’ll rip him apart.”

“I don’t want you to get involved.”

“Can’t you see?” The corner of his mouth tilts up. It’s not quite a smile, but it softens the darkness in his eyes. “I’m already involved. I have been since the day we meet and I’m not going to stand by and watch some fucker terrorize yo—”

The elevator dings and the doors slide open again, cutting off the rest of his sentence.

I lead Zander down the carpeted corridor until we reach my apartment and then fish my keys from my purse. “You’re the first man I’ve brought here…Well, except for Santiago, but he’s a friend, so it doesn’t count.”

“I guess I’m honored then,” he says cockily.

Biting back a smile, I shake my head and work the lock. “It’s messy.” A warning. “Try not to step on anything.”

“Got it.”

There’s a click, and I push the door and reach for the switch on the wall to turn on the light.

Zander’s quiet as he moves through the living room area. His eyes drink in every little detail of my personal space and it feels so intimate, almost as if I’m being stripped naked, my clothes peeled off layer by layer to reveal what’s really underneath.

“I love it.” A low rumbling laugh escapes his lips. “I can see why you chose this building.” He nears the large window overlooking the city and stares into the distance, at the flickering lights scattered down below.

“In my parents’ house, my room was at the back, so I had a really shitty view. Just some bushes and a portion of my dad’s tool shed.”

Zander turns to face me, our eyes meeting.

“I always wanted to live somewhere with a nice view when I grew up,” I finish, my voice rough and scratchy, but I want to keep talking. I want to share things with him that I haven’t shared with anyone.

“Well, you did it.” He starts to approach me.

“Watch out.” I motion at the backdrop stretched across the floor and the cans of paint arranged in a neat line beside it.

“Is this another work in progress?” He maneuvers around the paper with ease.

I nod. “Sometimes I get inspired in the middle of the night and don’t want to drive downtown.” Half-joke, half-truth. Muse is a moody bitch. She comes whenever she pleases and having my tools nearby is essential.

Smiling, Zander comes to a halt in front of me and pushes the fabric covering my neck aside. When his gaze drops to the bruises, I catch it again—something dark lurking behind those eyes. Something dangerous.

“It doesn’t hurt as bad anymore,” I tell him honestly. The painkillers the nurse gave me at the ER did their job. Now it’s just mild throbbing.

The muscle in his jaw tics, but if he’s angry, he hides it well enough.

“Let me show you the bedroom.” I take his hand and walk him up the stairs.

There’s a long pause. Neither of us knows what to say. We slept together before, but this feels strangely different because this is not a hotel in a city across the continent. This is my home.

“I can take the couch downstairs…” Zander starts, looking at me as I take off his jacket and hang it on the chair. “If you need some privacy.”

Unable to utter the right words, I shake my head.

“Are you sure?” he asks, surveying the queen size bed and the dresser standing in front of the massive window.

I’ve never bothered with a lamp and the only source of light here is whatever reaches this part of the loft from the first floor.

I nod and show him the bathroom, then walk to the sink and turn on the water to wash my hands. I scrubbed them with antibacterial soap for a good ten minutes back at the hospital when we arrived and one of the nurses was kind enough to show me to the restroom to clean myself up, but every time the memories of my earlier encounter with Rhys come back, I feel dirty.

Whore.

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