Page 5 of Severance

“You know…” Mikah uncrosses his arms and rests one hand on my desk. Then he looks down for a second. “You have some stuff at the apartment.” The tips of his tattoo that stick out from under the sleeve of his forest green jacket are dark and sharp against his olive skin. I wonder if he left it on because Dakota told him insane stories about my father or because it’s freezing outside.

“Yeah, I know. I’ll pick it up next week,” I say. “Is that okay? Next week?”

Is it okay to come back to your place now that Dakota’s gone?

“Yeah. Just text me first.” He nods, running his palm across his forehead to tuck a stray piece of hair behind his ear.

There’s a pause. Neither one of us knows what to say anymore and it’s weird.

“Look.” Mikah shoves both hands into the pockets of his jacket and steps closer. “I have to go. I’ve got things to do. Are you sure you’re gonna be okay?”

His question surprises me. I’m not certain what defines okay anymore. That I’m alive and breathing? Sure. What about the fact that I can still smell the gunpowder and the blood every second of every day? Or that I can hear all these screams in my head, even in my sleep?

Does he hear them too?

“Areyougoing to be okay?” I whisper. I don’t sound like myself at all.

Mikah takes a few moments to process my question. “I don’t know.” With his gaze trained on the door, his body language speaks volumes—he wants to get the hell out of here as soon as possible. “See you Thursday…maybe,” he says and leaves my room without looking back.

I sit against the headboard of my bed for what seems like forever, staring at the wide-open door, listening to my parents’ rumbles in the room across the hall.

“I don’t want him to come anywhere near this house again!” my father says loudly. He doesn’t bother to keep his thoughts to himself. He wants to be heard. “If she hadn’t gotten involved with that other boy in the first place, she wouldn’t have been in that bar on Saturday at all!”

It’s a club, Dad, not a bar, I mentally correct him.

And I wasn’tinvolved. I was in love.

* * *

A gasp of surprise leaves my mother’s mouth as I stagger into the kitchen. She stops whatever it is she was preoccupied with right before my arrival and rushes to help me.

“Mom, it’s fine.” I push her aside and drag myself across the room. My legs are two marshmallows, but her fussing drives me nuts, so I’m determined to make it to the table on my own. I don’t understand why she hovers as if I’m still seven.

“Do you want a sandwich or do you want to wait for dinner?” Her voice is on the verge of breaking and I feel like I should be nicer, but the horror running through my brain makes it difficult and I already regret coming down.

“I think I’ll just have coffee.”

My mother ignores what I say and moves toward the fridge. “How about turkey deluxe?” She pulls the door open and inspects the shelves.

“Mom, it’s okay. I’m not hungry,” I say, this time a little louder. My pulse drumming against my eardrums jolts into a gallop.

“Do you want mustard or mayo?”

“Mom!” My frustration rises.

“What?” She swivels in my direction, and her eyes, big and full of stress, land on me.

“I don’t want a sandwich, Mom!” The words come out from my throat in the form of an ugly cry and I realize my whole body’s trembling.

“Okay, okay, okay.” My mother runs up to me and draws me into a tight embrace, pulling my head against her chest. “It’s okay, sweetheart. I’ll make some coffee.”

She holds me until my panic subsides, her hand stroking my tangled hair like she used to do when I was young. We don’t move or talk and I don’t hug her back, because I don’t have the heart to give affection at the moment. I just sit there and stare at the wide-open fridge and its shelves stacked with dozens of packages and bags of produce, wondering why we need so much food.

My mind finally settles and I brave the question that I’ve been meaning to ask ever since Mikah left. “Mom, what day is it?”

“It’s Monday,” my mother says, and her arms drop down to her sides and she moves to the counter.

“I’m scheduled to work on Friday night.”

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