Page 98 of Severance

“Exactly.”

“I’m sorry I left without telling you.”

“You didn’t have to come if you didn’t want to. I’m not forcing you to do anything.”

“I really need to talk to someone.” I whimper through small gasps.

“What’s going on?” Panic drills through her tone.

“I don’t know.” I push down my anxiety.

“Where are you?”

“I’m outside your house.”

“Okay. I’ll be right there.”

Jess’s silhouette emerges from the door a short time later. She rushes to the Prius and slips in the passenger side. We sit quietly for several seconds.

I’m not sure where to begin. I just know I can’t keep it in me anymore, because this secret and all the chaos that comes with it is asphyxiating. “I slept with Mikah.”

Jess’s face turns from annoyed to surprised. The shock slowly fills the air inside the car and we fall back into a spell of uncomfortable silence.

“You’re not kidding, are you?” she finally asks. There’s anguish in her voice.

“I think I have feelings for him.” “Like” isn’t the word I’d use, because at this moment, what I feel for Mikah is a mix of everything.

“What about him?” Jess’s eyes sweep over my face. “Is it mutual?”

“Yes.”

She sighs. “How long has this been going on?”

“We started talking after the funeral, and somewhere along the way, it just became more. Now I can’t figure out how to stop feeling what I’m feeling for him. He drives me crazy because he never talks about Dakota or about what happened, and I keep forgiving him because I can’t stomach my life without him anymore,” I confess. “I just don’t think we’re right for each other.”

“Why not?”

“My shoulders sag. “It’s wrong.”

“Do you want to be with him?” Jess questions, her tone softening.

I never imagined Mikah and me being more than what we are right now. I can’t even figure out a name for us.

“I just want to stop feeling afraid, and being with him terrifies me.”

“Why?”

“Because people are going to talk.”

“Is that what you’re scared of?” Jess turns to face me.

“I dated his brother.”

“He’s gone now. He would have wanted you to be happy. I know if I were to die, I’d want Luke to have someone who’d care about him. I believe you should do what makes you happy and not what people expect of you. If Mikah makes you happy, then you need to tell him that. I’ll never judge you for your choices, whatever they are. Others probably will, which is fine. We’re all going to turn into ash or dust one day, anyway. Those who judge and those who don’t.”

My stomach heaves and I swallow past the tightness filling my throat. “Do you think about it…about why we’re here and others aren’t?”

“Every single day.”

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