Page 80 of The Meaning Of You

He nodded. “Only if you want. I can’t guarantee I won’t be a mess. I haven’t been back since the week it happened but it’s so close to here that I just I thought—” His shoulders slumped. “I don’t know what I thought.”

I hesitated, not because I didn’t want to go. I absolutely did. But it felt like a big thing to do together. Maybe the biggest. And I wasn’t sure what that meant, if anything. Because I wasn’t sure whatImeant to him, if anything. Did he just want my company or was it something more?

“Forget about it.” He headed back into the kitchen. “It was a silly idea. We need to focus on the code.”

“No. We’ll go.” The words burst off my tongue. “I want to. We can do it before we start on the notebook. We’ll check out Justin’s property while we’re at it.”

“Oh. Great.” Nick blinked furiously and looked away. “We can take my car.”

“No, we’ll take mine,” I countered. I had no intention of letting Nick drive on what would surely be an emotionally charged trip. “I need to get some fuel anyway.”

“Oh.” He didn’t look up, but his relief was clear. “Sure. Sounds good.”

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Nick

I rinsedthe disposable razor and set it on the vanity. Then I splashed my face and stared at my reflection in the mirror. It wasn’t pretty. I barely recognised the gaunt man who stared back, exhausted and confused. Even the owl tattooed on my chest looked pissed with me, and the mottled bruise that graced my jaw wasn’t helping matters.

The relief of finding out that Davis hadn’t been having an affair, after all, had been quickly eclipsed by a seething anger at how much danger he’d put himself in. Putbothof us in. And for what? Research for a new book.

“What the hell were you thinking?” I growled up at the ceiling. “You ruined everything, you total fucking arsehole.” My words ended on a sob and my chin dropped to my chest. I sucked in a big gulping breath as the tears came, then scrubbed them angrily from my cheeks as I turned to set the shower running ice-cold. The freezing water hit my skin like a shockwave. I almost cried out as I plunged my head under the arctic wash of water, relishing the pain of the needles pricking my skin and bringing numbness in their wake.

How long I stood under the icy spray, I couldn’t say. Long enough for a million goosebumps to pop over my skin, for my body to start shaking, for my brain to feel like it was splitting apart.

Long enough to chase my rage to the sideline.

And long enough to remember all that Davis was and to know that I’d forgive him anything.

But not nearly long enough to erase the feel of Madigan Church’s lips on mine. And that was the real problem, wasn’t it? The one thing I couldn’t face and the freezing water couldn’t obliterate.

Davis’s fuck-up, the break-ins, the attack, the caravan, even Justin bloody Leonard. I could face all of those things and find a way through. But the memory of Madigan Church in my arms—his smell, his taste, the feel of his body flush against mine, the hunger in his kiss, those devastating eyes—I had no idea what to do with any of that. No idea how it fit with me and everything that was happening. No idea if I even wanted it to.

Seems like you do.Was that Davis in my head or just wishful thinking?

I spun the temperature gauge to lukewarm and quickly washed and rinsed myself clean. When I was dressed, I headed for the kitchen where Madigan was wiping down the bench. He looked me over and I didn’t miss the flash of concern in his eyes.

He followed it quickly with a smile and asked, “Feel better?”

I shrugged. “I feel clean, which is a plus for all concerned. How about you?”

“Much the same. Come here.” He waved me over and I cautiously obeyed. “Stay still.” He wet the edge of a paper towel and dabbed at the corner of my mouth. I couldn’t take my eyes off him. “Toothpaste,” he explained. “You missed a spot.” He grinned almost shyly and chucked the towel into the bin.

When he turned back, I caught his face in my hands and lifted him up on his toes, dropping a soft kiss on his lips. His eyes went wide and there it was again. That strange sensation of home. “Toothpaste,” I offered his explanation back to him. “You missed a spot.”

He snorted. “You’ve lost your mind.”

“Happily.” I kissed him again, then lowered him back on his heels. His hand came up to caress my cheek, his fingertips running lightly over my lips. Then he smoothed the frown on my brow, his mouth in kissing distance, his hot breath fanning my face.

“I love these smile lines.” He tipped my head down to kiss the corners of both eyes, then let me go. “You put on this big grumpy act, but those lines tell a different story. They speak of a big heart and big emotions. Whatever you feel—sadness, laughter, fear, anger—it’s all supersized and maybe a bit scary. So, you lock it down, shut the door, and set those spikes in place. But you don’t fool me, Nick Fisher.” He looked me in the eye and tapped my forehead. “I see you in there.” One of his hands moved to cover my heart. “And I feel you in here. You’ve got so much more to give and you’re gonna be okay.”

His arms slid around my waist and he drew me close, his head resting on my shoulder, every breath matching mine. I didn’t resist, too stunned to do anything else but submit to his achingly tender embrace. My mind reeled at his words, but my body was already soft against him, yielding and needy, my skin raw to his touch, my heart scrambling for cover.

“Come on.” He stepped away, avoiding my eyes as he reached for his keys. “Let’s take a drive.”

Ten minutes later,Mads parked on the dusty verge of the narrow gravel road and killed the engine. We sat in silence, staring at the wire fence that marked the edge of the road and the drop into the ravine below.

Another in a long run of bluebird skies hung over the parched land, the heat of the day rising in shimmering waves from the tin roof of a barn just a paddock away. Only a few metres of grass lay between the fence and the steep drop, and I tried to imagine the horror and panic Davis must’ve felt when he knew he was going over.

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