Page 105 of The Meaning Of You

I dropped my hand and pulled away just enough to see him clearly. “I don’t like needing another person, Nick. I’ve spent my entire life avoiding that very thing, keeping a firm grip on my boundaries. I don’t like waiting for someone to call or look myway, or to decide whether or not they’re willing to take a chance.” I met his solemn stare with one of my own. “I won’t trade down to something purely physical, not with you, and I won’t wait forever. Not even close. I have a good line in self-preservation, and I fully intend to use it. You have the power to hurt me more than anyone before you.”

He cupped my cheek with one hand. “I wouldn’t?—”

I slipped from his hold. “What happened this weekend opened my eyes to a truth I’ve been running from for a long time, and now I can’t go back.”

Nick stilled, his gaze fixed on mine, his expression suddenly uncertain.

I took a breath and steeled myself. “I want to live a lot more than I have been, Nick. I want to love a lot more too. And I want the chance to be loved by someone who feels the same. Maybe that’s you. Maybe it’s not. But I’m not about to settle for less. Not anymore.”

Nick said nothing for a moment, just closed his eyes and took a deep, slow breath. When he opened them again, he lifted his hands either side of my face and paused. “Can I?”

Against my better judgement, I nodded. It might be the last time Nick Fisher ever touched me.

He cradled my face, thumbs brushing my cheeks. “My turn.” He shot me a brief smile that could’ve meant anything. “I thought I’d lost you, Mads, which is crazy since I never really had you. But it still frightened me, maybe as much as the idea of us being athing.” His smile was warmer that time. “Until that moment, I wasn’t sure if I could survive losing someone so precious to me ever again. Then yesterday happened and I realised it was too late. You already mean too much to me.” He swallowed hard. “It’s been confusing to say the least, having those kinds of feelings so close to—” He stopped mid-sentence.

“So close to Davis’s death?” I cupped his jaw. “You can say his name, Nick. You can talk about him.Wecan talk about him. Iwantto talk about him. You think he’s not in my head every time we’re together and even when we’re not? I’m struggling with what all that means as well. With whatyoumean tome.”

“I know. I know” He pulled me close and brushed his lips over mine.

It was all I could do, exhausted as I was, not to throw all my caution to the wind and melt against him, begging for more.

He rubbed his nose against mine. “And I want the chance to be loved by you as well. My heart knows it even if my head can’t imagine it. Come here.” He pulled me down with him onto the mattress, so we were lying face to face. “What I do know is that when you dived into that water, when I thought you might be dead, it felt like I was being ripped in two. Like you were taking me down with you. Like there was nothing left. Davis and then you. And I knew I didn’t want that. I knew I wanted more... with you.”

A tear broke my lashes and rolled down my face. Nick leaned in and kissed it away. I pressed our foreheads together. “When we left the jetty last night, I thought you were pulling away.” I leaned back and stroked the side of his face, fingering the bruise along his jaw. “And in the hospital, it felt like you couldn’t look at me. I thought you were having second thoughts.”

His mouth quirked up in a sheepish grin. “Does it suck to admit I wanted to at first? My default position, right?”

I chuckled. “It doesn’t suck. I get it.”

His gaze wandered my face like he was seeing me for the first time. “But then I asked myself—” A fingertip trailed across my lips. “—what bonehead walks away from a second chance at happiness just because he’s too fucking scared to believe in it? I didn’t have a lot of love when I was growing up, certainly not thekind you can trust. But I’m not that kid anymore. Davis taught me that. And I think he’d want this for me too.”

A grin spread over my face. “So, I guess the only thing left is for you to answer the question. Do you want to stay, or not?” My heart galloped against my ribs.

Nick wriggled forward and pressed his lips to mine, on and off, barely a peck. “Yes, I want to stay.” He stared into my eyes, our lashes almost tangling. “There’s nothing in the world I want more. We take it slow, but we take it, agreed?”

I nodded. “We take it slow.”

His hand slid around my neck and he drew me forward, his mouth finally covering mine, his lips moving in a slow, languorous kiss. A soft moan broke the stillness of the room as his tongue slid into my mouth, hot and greedy, searching, tasting, delving deep like he couldn’t get enough.

I groaned and hooked a leg over his hip, deepening the kiss, my fingertips digging into his back, his thick cock pressed against my belly, heat radiating through my groin and into my balls, my dick plumping despite the exhaustion that threatened to drown me.

He kissed his way down my throat, sucking the indentation at the base before nipping along the length of my collarbone, avoiding the dressing on my shoulder. Then he made his way back up to my ear, suckling on the soft lobe before running his tongue around the shell to pepper my skin with goosebumps.

His hand cupped my arse, and I groaned and arched into him, looking for friction, for anything to drive the feeling deeper.

“You are so beautiful,” he murmured between kisses. “I’ve wanted to do this for a long time.”

“Stop talking and keep kissing,” I grumbled, cupping his balls through the pair of hospital scrubs he’d also been given. “And you have way too many clothes on.”

“So do you.” He found a spot just below my ear and drew it into his mouth.

“I’m only wearing briefs,” I pointed out, my head falling back to give him better access. “Oh, god, right there.”

“Exactly,” he whispered, redoubling his efforts on my neck. “Too many clothes.”

I snorted and began grinding against him. Then just as I was about to chuck all our stupid resolutions to the wind, Nick slowed everything down. He released my arse, sucked in a shuddering breath, and let some space form between us.

His hands moved to my face and he kissed me softly. Then he arched a brow. “I want you too badly and this is too important to rush. Slow and steady, right?” He angled his hips so that our still-solid cocks brushed against each other and gave me a wicked grin. “Anticipation is everything.”

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