Page 33 of In Step

Abe arched a brow. “I’m gonna reserve judgement on that if you don’t mind. Willyoutell me what happened? And for the record, I’m gonna go out on a limb here and assume you’re not straight, even though they all think you are?”

A familiar fear clenched around my throat and my gaze sought his, so sure of what I’d find. But his smile was warm and without a scrap of judgement. The panic slipped away and all I felt was tired, so fucking tired.

My head fell back and I stared at the old beams that straddled the barn like massive arms, holding the freezing winter night at bay. I’d held those two words close to my chest all my life, but they were tired of waiting for the right time, the right place, or the right person. I stared at the man who’d managed to upend my world in three days—every strand of silver in his scruff there for the count, the scar on his eyebrow, the haunting blue and grey of his mismatched eyes, the reassuring smile.

And just like that, the two words burst onto my tongue, and thirty years of silence and secrets went to hell. “I’m... gay.”

CHAPTERELEVEN

Kane

“I’m gay,”I repeated, almost a whisper. Or maybe I shouted the fucking words. Who the hell knew?

I wasn’t sure what to expect, but a simple nod wasn’t it. But it was the gentle acceptance in Abe’s expression that almost undid me. It was something I’d not had a lot of in my life.

“Cora guessed,” I added. “Not that I ever actually said the words to her, but I could tell she knew, so I’m assuming Martha does as well. And Jacklyn did, of course. She never said much. I think she felt sorry for me. And although my mum and I never talked about it before she died, I’m pretty sure she guessed. In fact, I know she did. When Dad was on a rant aboutthe gays, she’d shoot me a look and change the conversation, something you did at your peril with Dad. They’re the only people who knew. God knows why Cora pushed Leroy to give me this job, knowing what she did.”

“Maybe because she sees what I see.” Abe’s gaze remained steady, his voice soft. “Was that what the bully thing was about? Hiding the fact you’re gay?”

My gaze shot to his. “That would be the easy answer, right? Poor closeted gay kid deflects attention and takes his frustration out on a soft target.” I huffed. “It was part of it, sure, but life’s rarely that simple.”

“No, it’s not. So, tell me.”

I sank back against the bench and eyed him warily. “You have no idea what you’re asking. You’re friends with Judah. You’re staying with Leroy. I’m trusting you.”

He never blinked. “Yes, you are.”

I drew a deep breath and shut my eyes for a second to settle my roiling stomach. Then I met his gaze. “First off, I don’t blame anyone or anything for what I did, for the arsehole I was in high school. That’s all on me. I can’t take it back, but I can at least fucking own it. Judah was a couple years behind me, out and fabulous and everything I wanted to be and couldn’t. Painted Bay wasn’t exactly waving rainbow flags back then, but Judah’s parents made sure no one messed with their son.”

“Butyoumessed with him.”

His bluntness grounded me. “God fucking help me, I did. Mostly just name-calling until... well, until the day I pushed him down and—” I dragged my hands down my face and choked out, “I kicked him, Abe. I fucking kicked him. Who the fuck does something like that?” I stole a look, waiting for the disgust to show on his face, but it never came. “You knew, didn’t you? They told you.”

He nodded with apology in his eyes and then leaned forward and I knew this was the part that really mattered. “I’d like to know why, if you feel you can tell me. Was being gay that terrifying?”

I hesitated, worrying at a stray thread on the hem of my jeans, and Abe’s warm hand landed on mine. “Kane?”

“Yeah, it was.” I shifted my thumb just a fraction to graze his and shivered at the feel of it. He slowly flipped his hand in invite, and after a few seconds, I fitted mine overtop and our fingers threaded together.

“You’re not that teenager anymore, Kane.” He squeezed gently.

I snorted, still staring at our hands. “Some days, I’m not so sure. Do you know I’ve never held hands with a man before?” I glanced up to find him studying me with gentle eyes. “I’ve done other things with men, but I’ve never held hands.”

His eyes crinkled at the corners. “Then I’m honoured to be your first.”

Silence stretched between us, and I knew by the quiet in his eyes that Abe wasn’t about to drag this from me.

“My dad is an arsehole,” I finally choked out. “Homophobic and generally abusive, amongst other things. It’s no excuse for what I did. No sob story. Nothing that lots of other gay kids haven’t gone through and managed a lot better than I did, but it’s still the truth.”

Abe’s grip tightened, his thumb drawing slow, hot circles on the back of my hand.

“It was mostly verbal. Not only that, but in some ways, the hateful shit he said was worse than his hand. It got worse after Mum died. He was a firm believer in the whole divide-and-conquer mentality, pitting Jacklyn and me against each other, punishing us both for what one did. If one of us tried to stand up for the other, it just shifted his attention. That kind of thing puts distance between you after a while, and you stop speaking up.” I dropped my gaze to stare at the floor between us. “I regret that more than anything.”

Abe tipped my chin up with his fingers, his eyes gentle and sad. “You were only kids, Kane. You were just surviving.”

“You see this.” I pushed my hair back, showing the long scar running up the hairline just above my right temple.

Abe grimaced.

---