Page 90 of The Devil's Torment

“If you’re here to coerce me into doing what you want, then you’ve had a wasted journey. I told you last night this is a colossal decision and, yes, I’m aware the clock is ticking, but I won’t be rushed.”

She blushes and turns to Dad. He clears his throat and straightens his tie, even though it’s perfectly straight already. “That’s not why we’re here, Vicky. Please sit with us.”

“Okay.” I sink into the chair, and the three of them retake their seats.

Beth is the closest to me, close enough to lean over and take my hand. She squeezes it, but mine is limp inside hers. She doesn’t let go, though.

“I missed you, Vic.”

Beth’s the only one who calls me that, and it stings to hear it. Two days ago, I’d have given anything to hear her say it again, but everything’s different now. Then it was a futile hope—a wish we tell ourselves when grief consumes us.

Now… I see the cruelty of what she did in blinding color.

“Vicky, please look at me,” Mum pleads.

I shift my attention to her. The makeup she’s applied can’t hide the dark circles beneath her eyes. She looks ten years older. I almost laugh. Don’t we fucking all.

“We want to apologize to you.”

“What for?”

“Darling, we never knew you felt the way you did. Truly. I’m devastated, as is your father. We love you dearly. I will never forget the moment when the doctor put you in my arms and you looked up at me with big, curious eyes, and I fell in love. It horrifies me that you think that we favored Beth over you. We love you both equally, but you were always so independent, whereas Beth was more insecure. If I paid her more attention than you, then I’m sorry. I’m terribly sorry, darling. Please forgive me. Forgive us.”

Beth is still holding my hand. She’s warm and vital and alive. God, I want to be happy. I want to fling my arms around her and never let go. I just can’t. Not yet. Maybe not ever.

My mother’s words sound plausible, but her actions say otherwise. “Do you remember my tenth birthday?”

Mum frowns. “I-I think so.”

“I wanted a puppy. I begged you for a puppy, but instead you got me that horrible plastic Crufts set. A few weeks later, you bought Beth a kitten.”

Mum’s hand flutters to her throat, and she plucks at the skin there.

“A puppy is a lot more work than a kitten, Vicky,” Dad says. “But in hindsight, I can see how that looks.”

“That’s one example. I have hundreds. Like flying business class to Japan for Beth’s eighteenth, whereas for mine we went to the Cotswolds. I’ve always felt second best, like nothing I did was good enough to earn the love and attention you heaped on Beth.”

“Vic.” Beth starts to cry. “You’re not second best. You never were. You’re my best friend. I looked up to you, always.”

I scoff a laugh. “Best friend? If that’s true, Beth, then why couldn’t you come to me? Why couldn’t you tell me you’d met someone else? I’d have helped you tell Mum and Dad, and together we’d have worked it out. But what you did… it was cruel and heartless. I don’t know who you are. You’re not the person I thought you were.”

Her sobs grow louder. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

I glance back at my parents, who are staring at me, shell-shocked, as though they’re seeing a stranger. “Answer me this. If I decide that giving a kidney to Beth isn’t something I can do, will you still love me?”

Mum’s eyes fly wide open. “Of course we will. There’s nothing you can do that would make me stop loving you. When you have children of your own, you’ll understand that, but until then, please believe me when I say that’s the truth. Last night…” She bites her lip. “I didn’t mean to put pressure on you. It was the shock of it all, but that’s no excuse. Whatever you decide, we will understand. And if either me or your father are a match, we will donate. I promise you that.”

“And you?” I direct this question at Beth. “If they’re not a match and I am and I say no, will you understand?”

Her bottom lip trembles. “I’d be scared for what that means for my future, but I would never try to change your mind. it’s a big decision, and you should take all the time you need. If the answer is no, I’ll have to hope the transplant team find a match from a non-blood relative before it’s too late.”

At least she’s being honest and not offering me platitudes. I appreciate that. “I don’t even know what’s involved.”

Beth lets go of my hand and delves into her handbag, producing a handful of leaflets. “The hospital gave me these. It explains everything, but if you want to you can talk to my consultant. He’ll be able to answer any further questions you have.” She hands them to me.

“Thanks.” I put them on the coffee table. “I’ll go through them later.”

I fall silent, and after a few seconds, Dad gets to his feet, followed by Mum and then Beth. I stay seated. Mum passes in front of me and cups my chin, tilting my head back until our eyes meet.

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