Page 14 of The Devil's Torment

“My so-called part in Elizabeth’s death.”

“Oh, so you admit you had a part in it?”

His eyes briefly close, a sure sign he’s annoyed. “I saidso-called. I had nothing to do with it, butyoustill think I did. And while I’m not usually inclined to explain or defend myself, considering our recent change in circumstances, and for the sake of our sanity, at least listenproperlywhile I tell you what was said and done.”

He’s tried this before, the day following Beth’s murder, after the hospital discharged him. I hadn’t wanted to listen then, and I don’t want to listen now, but, as he so succinctly put it, our circumstances have changed. Therefore, I’ll give him this first and last chance to put his version of events across.

I make a silent gesture to him and lean back into the couch, sipping my coffee for comfort, using the cup as a barrier between us.

“You and Imogen headed off onto the dance floor, and I thought Elizabeth looked a little pale. I asked her if she was all right. She told me she was fine, a bit tired, but that’s it. She felt there was a lot left to organize with the wedding, and I guess she was feeling somewhat overwhelmed.”

“But there wasn’t a lot for her to organize. The wedding planner was handling everything.”

He pops a shoulder. “While that’s true, Elizabeth clearly felt differently. I told her it’d soon be over and then she could relax. She agreed. Xan and I started chatting—I can’t even remember what about. Work, probably. When I turned back around, she’d gone. That’s when we came to ask you if you’d seen her and, well, you know the rest.”

I drink my coffee, a chill taking root in my bones as it does every time a conversation, an incident, or stray thought takes me back to that night. If he’s telling the truth, then it doesn’t sound like he said anything terribly upsetting, although Beth was a sensitive soul. She might have felt aggrieved that he’d talked to Alexander rather than her. Yes, that must be it.

“So,” he prompts when I stare pensively into my mug. “Now you see. I said nothing to upset her.”

Call me a bitch, but there’s not a chance I’m letting him off that easily. “You may not have said anything directly, but I’m sure she didn’t appreciate you ignoring her and favoring talking to your brother instead of her.”

He drums his fingers against the side of his thigh, his jaw clenched tightly. “Maybe that’s true, but there wasn’t any malice in it, and Elizabeth will have known that because she knew me.”

An uncomfortable feeling reminiscent of envy spreads through my abdomen. I quash it as best as I can. I have no right to feel envy or jealousy or any other negative emotion regarding Beth’s engagement to Nicholas. What I do have a right to is the shame those feelings bring on me, and the crippling grief of losing her. Those I own.

“Look, I liked Elizabeth. She’d have made a good wife.”

He doesn’t say “Unlike you” but it’s there, hanging in the air between us. One more rejection in a whole line of rejections I’ve had to put up with for my entire life. Wouldn’t it be nice if, just once, I was picked first? For anything. Even at school, I was the last woman standing when teams were selected for netball or hockey. I mean, sure, I can’t catch or throw for shit, and I broke a girl’s ankle once with a hockey stick, but it still stung to hear that despairing groan as I trudged over to the team unlucky enough to get stuck with me.

“Liked? Not loved?”

His nostrils flare as he lets out a heavy breath. “Don’t be obtuse, Victoria. It doesn’t suit you. This is the world we live in. It can’t come as a surprise to you, surely? No, I didn’t love Elizabeth. At the risk of sounding cliché, I don’t do love—not the romantic kind, anyway—but I always treated her with respect.”

A stabbing sensation pierces my chest. Nicholas isn’t a man who believes in marital love, so even if he had chosen me ahead of Beth, he’d never have loved me the way I crave to be loved. Passionately, madly, deeply. And now I’ll never have the chance to experience those feelings. I’ll always be the girl who came second.

My oscillating emotions are giving me a headache. One minute, my heart is full of hatred for this man. The next, I’m bemoaning his admission that he doesn’t believe in love. What’s wrong with me?

He’s right on one point, though: this is the world we live in, which means I can’t escape this marriage, not with what’s at stake. I know my parents love me, but Beth was the one they treasured. It’s not the British way to go overboard with love. We’re stingy with our hugs and kisses, with how often we tell others that we love them. If I think about it, I can’t remember my parents ever telling me that they love me, but that doesn’t mean they don’t.

I guess I assumed I’d find the love I yearned for in my eventual husband, and now I know I won’t, it’s one more thing to grieve. I feel weighed down, the loss of something I never had but wished for yet another crushing blow to deal with.

“Are you any closer to finding out who killed Beth?” I wince, as is often the case when I think about my sister being torn apart by a bomb. The only crumb of comfort is the knowledge she wouldn’t have suffered. For her, the lights would have gone out in a millisecond. It’s the rest of us who are left to mourn and try to deal with our pain.

“No.” Two deep lines form between his eyebrows, and he presses his lips together. I wait for him to expand, but he doesn’t, leaving me to push him for more information.

“What’s the plan, then?”

Rubbing the back of his neck, he lets out a weighty breath through his nose. “Keep going until I find answers.”

“We, Nicholas. She wasmysister. I’m as entitled as you are to know what happened to her and be involved in finding the culprit or culprits.”

“Fair enough.” He sweeps a hand over his face. “And we will find them. I guarantee it.”

“Then what?”

“Then?” A malevolent gleam shines in his eyes, and I get a glimpse of what crossing Nicholas might entail. “Then I avenge the death of your sister. That’s what you’d want, right?”

By avenge, he means murder. An eye for an eye. It’s no more than they deserve.

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