‘Oh,’ he says. ‘Which do you prefer now? Country or city?’
‘Both equally now.’
‘You’ve changed your tune,’ he comments.
‘Yes, I have. I love the freedom of both. In London I love coming and going from a pub or a bar, to the cinema or theatre; a gallery at the weekend with Scarlet, although we don’t do too much of that any more. And I love how easy it is inthe country. I don’t feel any pressure to do too much. I can just be, relax, spend time with Josh, cook a bit, help him feed the animals or whatever. I understand why city types have weekend homes now.’
He chuckles. ‘Idyllic.’
‘Yeah, I suppose it is. Like a dream. A good dream. I feel as if I’m leading two lives.’ I’m not sure why I’ve told Chris this.
‘Sounds like you are,’ he says without judgement. But what would he judge? ‘So you’re happy,’ he continues, and I can’t tell if he’s stating it or asking it.
‘I am. Are you?’
‘Yeah,’ he says, but there was a split-second pause before he replied.
We have to be able to talk. I have to be able to hear about his life. I have to get over my regrets, move on.
‘So tell me about Tinder Swipe,’ I ask, and I’ll bet he’s rolling his eyes.
‘I can’t believe you’re making this stick,’ he says before continuing, ‘It’s good. Yeah. I like her, Kayla. No thoughts of moving in together, though, I hasten to add. It’s all very easy and it’s only been a few months, so we’re enjoying each other’s company. Getting to know each other.’
‘Ah, I’m really pleased,’ I reply, and I mean it. I do. ‘And I’m pleased we’re friends again.’
‘Me too. Sorry for being such an idiot in Edinburgh.’
‘You weren’t,’ I say, though I want to respond with,You were. You really, really were.
‘Let’s forget that ever happened,’ he says.
‘Deal. It was nice,’ I say, ‘chatting like this.’ It was. Itwasn’t emotionally fuelled or dramatic. It was easy. I’m sure we can keep this up. If we both put our minds to it and try really hard.
‘It was nice,’ Chris agrees. ‘I’ve had a nice afternoon, even though I should have been working.’
‘I’ve had a nice evening,’ I reply and then tell him I’ll send those drawings over in a few minutes.
‘Speak to you soon,’ Chris says. ‘Have a good weekend.’
‘You too. Kind regards,’ I trill.
He chuckles and then deadpans back, ‘All the best.’
CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
August
‘Surprise!’ the room full of people shouts at Josh as he walks into the farmhouse sitting room after work on Friday evening.
He looks genuinely surprised as party-poppers spray around him and thirty-four people shout and cheer his arrival.
‘Happy birthday!’ I call over to him as people start surrounding him and wishing him the same.
I watch his reaction go from surprise to happy confusion, and then he glances at me as his dad puts a glass of red wine in his hand. Josh narrows his eyes. ‘Did you do this?’ he mouths from across the room.
‘Might have done,’ I mouth back, and he holds his glass up in the air to cheers me from the other side of the room. Next to him, his father misunderstands and lifts his glass high to clink it against Josh’s, which makes Josh and me laugh together conspiratorially. And then I lose him to the crowd as he’s engulfed in birthday wishes.
‘You make my son very happy,’ Josh’s mum, Cassandra, says to me later that evening. ‘I hope you know that.’