Page 68 of The Wedding Game

‘No, no, this is what you’re saying, right? We’re not allowed to be friends. And this is all due to some noble rule you’ve made up. Really?’

‘Well …’

‘Well, what? Yes or no?’ I ask. ‘Are you seriously never going to talk to me outside work because we almost got together, once? Or is it that youwouldbe friends with me, but you’ve got a girlfriend? So that’s the game-changer. And what …?’ I grasp around for an accusation to hurl at him. ‘Are you worried you might accidentally sleep with me? Are you that untrustworthy?’ I admit saying this is probably a bit beneath me. Chris has made me so angry, and cheating is high on my worry list, even when it’s not happening to me.

‘What the fuck?’ he explodes angrily, which I did not see coming. ‘You’ve got a boyfriend and I’ve got a girlfriend. Why are you trying to fuck this up for both of us? I am not stupid enough to be mates with someone I fancy. I can’t be mates with someone I want to kiss every time I see her. I can’t be mates with someone I can’t stop fucking thinking about.’

I stare at Chris, my mouth open. A guest walks into the room, senses the tension and walks back out again. At least now I can tick off the ‘fight breaks out’ square on my bingo grid.

Chris lowers his voice. ‘Honestly, Lexie, what did you think I was going to say?’

‘Not that,’ I reply.

‘Really? Then you’re naïve. I liked you so much. Meetingyou was … perfect,’ he says. ‘As if any other way of meeting someone is ever going to match up to that. As if any conversation I have with anyone is ever going to match up to that. Two people meet each other, connect instantly, like each other enough to discuss hanging out together in another country, and it just wasn’t to be. I tried to take that for what it was. Then you ended up in New York anyway, and seeing you was …’ He can’t find the word. ‘But you left, and I tried not to think about you any more. And I failed. And now you’re allwhy didn’t you ring me and tell me you were here?Why do you think?’ He downs half his drink in one go and winces. ‘Ugh. This is awful.’

I watch Chris for a moment – he can’t bring himself to look at me initially – and then he does so, with a pained expression that is a punch in the gut.

‘I suppose I should be flattered,’ I say quietly when I regain my power of thought.

He shrugs, tops up his glass and tops up mine, despite the fact that neither of us likes it.

‘Two whiskies out of five,’ he says, diffusing the tension briefly. ‘You felt it too.’

‘Saying goodbyewasbittersweet when I first met you in the summer, and it was bittersweet again in New York, but so much has happened to us both over that time.’

‘That it all fades away?’ he asks.

‘We have to let it fade away.’

‘Exactly,’ he says. ‘Exactly. We need to let it go or we hurt the people we’re with. Are you and Josh still together?’

I nod.

‘Are you happy?’ he asks.

I hesitate. I nod. And even if I wasn’t, I’m not cheating on Josh. I could never do that to someone, after what happened to me.

‘Why do you think I barely suggested we hang out in New York?’ Chris asks.

‘You were busy with your new girlfriend.’

‘Imademyself busy with my new girlfriend. And she wasn’t my girlfriend then. Just someone I was dating.’

‘Is she your girlfriend now?’ I ask, waiting for salt to enter the emotional wound that’s already open.

He doesn’t answer.

‘Why did youmakeyourself busy?’

‘Because what was the point in hanging out with you when it won’t do any good?’ Chris says with a sigh. ‘And don’t saybecause we’re friends.’

‘I don’t have the answer to that,’ I confess.

‘Neither do I,’ he replies softly.

‘So this is it,’ I say.

‘What do you mean?’

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