Page 28 of The Wedding Game

‘Yes,’ I say. ‘One of those areas you never hear about,like …’ I grasp for London suburbs, ‘Hillingdon or Bexley,’ I finish.

‘Are they in London?’ Josh asks. ‘I’m going to have to take your word for it.’

‘See?’ I say. ‘See? Easily done.’

‘This is me,’ Josh says as we reach the end of the road. I look up to find we’re at the entrance to his boutique hotel, with white Georgian architecture, sash windows and candles flickering in lanterns placed on each step.

‘Oh, this is lovely.’ This is either the end of the date or the start of something else entirely, depending on what happens next.

‘Do you …?’ Josh starts. ‘Do you …?’

‘Do I?’ I tease.

‘I’m not very good at this,’ he confesses, dragging a hand over his forehead and through his hair in obvious despair. ‘I don’t know what’s too forward and what’s lagging behind. If I invite you up for coffee, is that the lamest thing you’ve ever heard?’ He doesn’t let me speak. ‘But if I don’t invite you in and I just say “bye”, then …’

‘Then?’ I could save him, but I want to hear everything he wishes to say.

‘Then I look really disinterested, which I’m not, and … You have quite the journey home, don’t you? Then you have to make that same journey again tomorrow, if you still want to see me again for our palace-and-picnic plans? Oh, hang on,doyou want to see me tomorrow?’ he asks. ‘It’s fine if you don’t want to – come in, that is – and also see me tomorrow and …’

‘Josh?’

‘Yeah?’ He looks concerned.

‘Be quiet.’ I tip my head up and kiss him.

His kiss is warm and his hands find my back, guiding my body gently towards his as we kiss in the street. In one hand I’m holding my bag – heavy with my overnight belongings – and my other hand has reached up to touch his face as our kiss becomes just the wrong side of acceptable for this public space. It’s me who breaks away first, slowly, reluctantly.

Josh’s eyes open and he glances around sheepishly. ‘Shall we …?’ he asks tentatively. ‘Do you want to …?’

‘Come in for coffee?’ I tease and he laughs. ‘Yes, please,’ I say, answering my own question. ‘Yes, please,’ is my new motto. I’m saying yes to things, pushing my life on. There’s no pressure. We don’t have to see each other again if it doesn’t work out. It’s only sex. It’s a trial run. I’ve spent far too long playing it safe. I’m bloody going for it – it starts now.

We walk hand-in-hand through the lobby and I avoid embarrassing eye contact with the receptionist, while Josh replies warmly to her greeting. He hits the lift button with full force while I try not to draw attention to us, by purposefullynotkissing him here, even though I want to. There’s nothing remotely sexy about standing in a lobby, pretending to be disinterested. But somehow itfeelssexy. It’s the intention behind what us being in this lobby means.

Josh stares straight ahead, a smile on his face, and I do the same until the lift doors open and we enter: two ordinary people returning to a hotel room after dinner. Then the lift doors close and it’s all I can do not to jump into his arms andwrap my legs around him in this confined space. He turns into me and kisses me again, and I’m backed up against the mirror as Josh’s body presses into mine. The lift doors open at the first floor, surprising us both, and a couple stares at us, uncertain if they want to get in. Josh and I spring apart and they look away embarrassed, stay in the hallway, let the lift doors close. I laugh and so does Josh.

‘That was awkward,’ I splutter.

‘More awkward if they’d have got in the lift.’

‘True,’ I mumble as Josh’s mouth finds mine again. The doors reopen at the second floor and Josh takes my hand, fumbling in his pocket for his key card. And then we’re inside his room, all muted tones of grey and beige.

‘Ooh, this is nice,’ I say, automatically scanning the room. ‘I mean it’s very predictable for a hotel, and they could have done so much more with …’ I turn and look at Josh, who’s smiling at me. ‘Sorry,’ I giggle. I actually giggle. Who is this girl who goes into hotel rooms with a man she’s only met a few times before? This is the girl who kissed Josh at a wedding in order to win a game of bingo. Perhaps this girl needed to get over herself, after a disastrous relationship and endless shit first dates. I like this girl. I think kissing Josh is the best decision I ever made.

‘Do you …?’ Josh asks yet again.

‘Are you going to ask me if I want coffee again?’

‘Yeah, I was going to.’

‘No. No to coffee,’ I tell him. ‘Not right now.’

Neither of us moves, and I can’t tell if Josh is wondering whoheis, this guy who barely has time to date, but hasmanaged to get a woman into his hotel room on a second proper date. We move towards each other. Just when I think he’s about to kiss me, he lifts me up – actually lifts me up – and carries me towards the bed. He deposits me gently on it while he kicks off his shoes, and I do the same. And then I’m sitting up, undoing his shirt for him as Josh wrestles with his buckle before starting on my dress.

His body is a warm tanned colour all over, as if the sun reaches him through the confines of his work clothes. There are way too many buttons on my dress, but eventually I wriggle out of it, which is awkward to do. Then it starts feeling so natural and easy to be with him as we move together on the bed, Josh sitting against the headboard, nestled among the pillows. Without thinking, I move on top of him. Is it possible for sex to be both gentle and frenzied? If so, then I think we nail it, as he pulls my knickers to the side and I lower myself onto him. He moans into my mouth as I move up and down on him – his hands guiding my body into a rhythm until we’re moaning louder and harder, our pace quickening and deepening. My hair falls around my shoulders, coming undone at the same moment that I do and then, seconds later, so does Josh.

We stay like that, pressed together, my forehead on his shoulder as my breathing regulates, and then he lifts my head, finding my neck with his mouth, and plants soft kisses onto my clavicle, my shoulder, the space behind my ear, making me moan again. My eyes close as I feel him harden once more inside me and instinctively I move again. I can’t help myself. Who is this person? I’ve never had sex twicein a row before. I never thought I could. My eyes find Josh, who looks just as intense as I do. His fingers dip to the space in between us, and then his thumb finds me and he strokes me gently as I move.

I murmur something encouraging and it spurs him on as his thumb rolls against me faster and faster. I think I call his name, and then I fall against him once again as the full force of everything between us magics a second orgasm out of me.

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