Page 17 of The Wedding Game

I breathe in sharply and then smile. He’s stopped typing, but he must see I’m online.

‘Oh my God,’ I say quietly. My fellow receptionist looks over at me. She’s discreetly scrolling on her phone and glances back down at it again, when it’s clear I’m not going to divulge more.

I’m so pleased he’s texted me. I’m more than pleased. But I genuinely wasn’t expecting him to. I rub my finger across my top lip while I work out what to type. Should I play it cool? Should I tell him how excited I am he’s messaged? I shouldprobably do neither of those things. He’s opened up a conversation by asking a question. I’m just going to answer it.

The wedding was great. There were fireworks.I pause before hitting send. I want to say something funny.But sadly no fights,I finish with.

Chris sends back a laughing emoji.

I wait for more, but there’s nothing, so I wonder if he’s waiting for me to keep going or if he also can’t work out what to say next.

How was your flight?I ask.

You made the right decision deciding not to come, he writes cryptically. I wait while he continues typing.Two solid hours of pure turbulence midway across the Atlantic.

Ugh,I reply.I don’t love turbulence.

Neither does anyone sane,he says.It might have been a bit of a mood-kill for you and me. Also, the woman in front of me threw up.

Delightful,I reply, but I’m enjoying his mind’s process, the reminder of romance that he’s introduced between us –you and me… – a few days after we met and then had to immediately say goodbye.

He carries on.I was watchingSullythroughout the turbulence. You know, the Tom Hanks film where he’s a pilot carrying out an emergency landing on the Hudson River? It was like being on a far-too-realistic flight simulator. I had to switch over toFriends.

I laugh and then type,Wise move. I did feel this deep sense of regret after I said no, but I hate turbulence and people throwing up near me,so you’ve reassured me now.

Did you?he asks.Feel regret? Really?

Yes,I reply honestly.I wondered … what if?

Chris doesn’t immediately reply and I stiffen, panicking I’ve said the wrong thing. I can’t see his reaction. I’d have said that to his face, if we’d have been having this conversation at the wedding. But now I’m scared I’ve been too honest.

Me too,he comes back with. My body gives up its stiffness at his reply and I lean back into my seat. How far can we take this? I don’t even want to consider that there’s no point in this. I refuse to consider it. If there’s no point in it, why are we doing it? I haven’t even kissed this man and yet I’m wrapped up in him – thoughts of what it would have been like if I had gone with him. I’m so wrapped up that I don’t notice someone standing in front of me, attempting to check in for a meeting. I put my phone down to deal with the enquiry, but when I pick my phone back up again, Chris is no longer online. He must be at work too, although hours behind me.

I don’t know how to restart the conversation. And if I do restart it, where this might go? Might we talk more, video-call? Might we make idealistic plans that we can’t actually see through to their conclusion? Might it hurt me more doing that than if I do nothing at all?

CHAPTER SIX

Chris

I tap my fingers on my desk as my screen goes blank. I waited a few seconds for Lexie to reply and, when no reply came, my phone locked.I did feel this deep sense of regretafterI said no.Her words played in my mind while I waited. I wasn’t expecting that.

I’m grinning from ear to ear. I wonder what she’s up to. I might leave it a while before I start a conversation back up again. I don’t want to look too keen. Although I’ve already shown how keen I am by inviting her to get on a plane with me. In hindsight, this was the act of a crazy person, because I am not that impetuous – ever. I’m thoughtful and methodical. Lexie caught me off-guard. How I felt in her company was something I’d never experienced before.

Asking her to come with me to New York was a strange choice, but it felt so right,so right.Though I’m at work now. And having to go to work was a detail I conveniently forgot when I was casually throwing around overblown romantic gestures. Although it wasn’t casual, not really. I meant it.

This feeling is so new to me. And maddening. Not leastbecause Lexie is halfway across the world, but also because having only just been dumped a few months ago and getting over the general bafflement of that, there are things I had planned here, places I wanted to see, things I wanted to do, a life I wanted to build. It was a life I had envisaged for myself when I moved here, but it didn’t happen. I fell into a relationship, of sorts, too quickly. And that meant falling into step with another person’s life. Evenings spent with her friends because I had yet to make any. Weekends doing what she suggested because I didn’t know my way around the city enough to scout out the kind of places I might like to visit. I didn’t really know what I wanted to do. I still don’t. Not really.

It’s easy to be led when you’re in a couple. And can you truly know who you are when you rely on another person so heavily? Then there was Big Talk with Lexie. Having a plus-one on my arm would have inhibited me from meeting and spending time with her. I need to be by myself for a while. It’s essential for my own well-being.

But I also needed to connect with Lexie again. Just to say hi. I couldn’t stop myself, even though I know falling for Lexie feels like it’s not supposed to happen now – not from such a distance. And especially not when I feel so unsure of my life here in New York. I told her another time, another place, and I meant it. We left each other at the wedding knowing it was a non-starter or she’d have come with me, right?

So now is my chance. I’m going to live my life how I want to. Just for a while. I’m going to book in activities at weekends and after work and, finally, I’m going to work out whoIwant to be.

CHAPTER SEVEN

Lexie

It’s Tuesday and I’ve only got three days left before the weekend. I can’t wait.

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