Page 59 of The Last Train Home
He makes a stricken sort of face. ‘I sort of promised the guys I’d go with them.’
‘Only for a few minutes?’ I say. ‘We can hold hands and say goodbye to London together.’
He looks at his watch. His mates are putting on their jackets, their ties tucked into their pockets and their top buttons undone. Sean’s done the same at some point.
‘You go,’ he says. ‘Have a moment by yourself. We’ll be stuck together like glue over the next few weeks, so enjoy the peace and quiet.’
‘OK,’ I say. He’s only got this night with his friends, because he too is back to his parents’ for one final night tomorrow. I don’t want to steal this last moment with his mates from him. ‘Have fun.’
‘I will,’ he says as his friends head past, gesturing for Sean to go with them. They say goodbye to me and things like ‘Look after our boy’, ‘Don’t let him get up to his usual tricks’ and ‘Keep him in check, won’t you?’
Sean rolls his eyes. ‘Ignore them.’ He leans in to kiss me and then says, ‘Catch up with you later. Text me to let me know you’ve got back home all right?’
‘OK. Bye.’ I wave him off and gather my things, standing on the rooftop terrace, looking out one last time at the view, before making my way down in the lift. I laugh as I watch Sean and his mates rounding the corner ahead of me. They’re giving each other piggybacks and trying to push one another over. I turn in the opposite direction, down towards the river, passing my office, closed up for the night. The night security guard is reading a paper and I give him a wave, although he doesn’t see me. I walk past Tom’s old flat and see the lights on inside. Someone else is living there now. I detour past Gianni’s, and the curved Victorian windows show that a light has accidentally been left on in the kitchen at the back.
And then I stand down by the river at Embankment. The London Eye is stationary, lit up, and the Oxo Tower’s red lights shine down. The South Bank is a sea of light. I’ll miss this view. I’ll miss London. I’ll miss everyone here. I’ll miss all of it.
I should think about getting myself over to Natasha’s. But somehow I don’t want to go. I don’t want to draw a line under my last night in London. I don’t want to wake up and go out for my last breakfast with Natasha; I don’t want to take my suitcases to my parents’ in Enfield tomorrow afternoon and sleep there one last time. I don’t want towake up on Sunday morning, pick up Sean and be driven to the airport, kiss my parents goodbye and walk through the barrier towards our flight. But I know I have to do it. I’m committed. It’s too late to do anything else. I’ll be fine when I arrive in Singapore.
But before all of that, there’s one last thing I have to do.
Chapter 41
Tom
Who the hell is ringing our doorbell at this time of night? Actually it’s more like the early hours of the morning. I’m holding Teddy in my arms because he’s been up for hours, and so have I. Why he’s awake now is beyond me – no amount of nappy changes, nursery rhymes or cuddling with me in bed is making him sleepy. So we’re in front of the TV and I’m hoping this selection of children’s shows on DVD are going to send him off to sleep. The volume’s down low, but I suspect all those bright colours on the screen are not going to do the trick. If it’s some little punk outside playing Knock Down Ginger at 1 a.m., then I’m going to lose it.
I pull open the door. Teddy’s in my arms and I’m braced to shout, but my mouth just falls open. I can’t say hi. I can’t even say her name. How does she manage to do this to me every single time?
She’s obviously steeled herself for this. Her stance is aggressive. So is her voice. ‘Hi,’ she says. ‘You gave me your new address when we were outside Gianni’s that time.’
I’d forgotten that and am still feeling the shock of her presence.
‘So I decided to call your bluff. Are you really alone? A simple Yes or No will do it.’
I find my voice. ‘No.’
‘I knew it.’ She turns.
‘I’m with Teddy.’ I have to talk quickly to stop her reaching the end of the path. ‘I wasn’t lying. Samantha’s away.’
Teddy looks from me to Abbie, and her expression softens as she turns back. ‘He’s cute,’ she comments. And then she smiles at him and says, ‘Hello.’ He makes a happy noise and buries his head into my neck. But Abbie’s expression has changed to one of sadness and she can’t meet my gaze.
‘Abbie, it’s nearly one a.m. What are you doing here?’
She walks towards me, takes a deep breath. ‘I don’t know.’
‘Look, just come in.’ I step back and she walks in slowly, looking around the hallway, which is dimly lit by only a table lamp.
We walk past the large mirror above the radiator and I catch sight of myself holding Teddy. I forgot I’m only wearing boxer shorts.
‘Go through,’ I say. ‘I’m going to put some clothes on.’
I carry Teddy upstairs, place him on the bed and pull on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt. When we go back downstairs, I find Abbie standing in the kitchen. She looks lost and awkward in such a huge space, even with all the baby crap and bottles and takeaway boxes littering the counter.
‘You still don’t cook then,’ she says.
I smile. ‘What are you doing here?’ I ask again. Teddy grumbles in my arms, swivelling his head to try to see the TV. I put him on his play mat and he crawls into a slumped sort of sitting position in order to watchTeletubbies.
