Page 36 of Enemies, Lovers & A Valentine's Baby

This doctor—she’s telling me that I will never carry a child of my own.

This is the only thing I’ve ever wanted in my life, and she’s telling me that I won’t be able to have it.

“I’m truly sorry, Lila. I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear—it’s devastating, and it’s going to take time to process. But please, believe me when I say this doesn’t mean everything is over. It’s not the end of your journey, and it’s certainly not the end of your dream of becoming a mother. There are still paths we can explore, options we can discuss when you’re ready to take that next step...”

I look up at her in horror.

Options? Just an hour ago, I had only one option. Get pregnant and have my babies. Now, in a matter of minutes, all of that has been snatched right from under me. Now I have to consider ‘options’?

“Infertility does not equate to childlessness, Lila.”

“Noooooooooo!” The scream sounds like it was ripped from the fabric of my soul. It’s like something inside me breaks hearing that word.

The tears wrench out of me, filled with so much pain. My body spasms from the sobs racking violently through me.

I stumble out of my seat, but my legs feel too weak to carry my own weight. The ground beneath me is spinning.

Her face is starting to get hazy. I stumble backwards, and I feel arms around me, keeping me from falling. Dr. Saint had quickly made her way around the table to hold me. Her own eyes glaze over with tears too as she tries to console me.

I thrash against her, trying to free myself from her grip and wake up from this nightmare. But she is too strong, or maybe I’m too weak.

Suddenly, my body starts to fail me, the edges of my vision start to tinge with darkness, images of laughing children seem to taunt me behind my closing eyelids.

I try to fight harder, but I have nothing left in me. The darkness intensifies, determined to swallow me whole.

Vaguely, I can feel Dr. Saint tapping my cheeks repeatedly.

“Stay with me, Lila. Come on, stay with me, honey.”

I don’t want to stay. There’s nothing left for me now.

“Help!” she screams, and I hear what sounds like footsteps rushing into the room.

The last thought that drifts into my head as the darkness envelops me is:

I’m…infertile.

***

My eyes crack open, the light seeping in like a slow ache. A groan escapes me as I try to move. My body feels heavy and weighted down. My nose wrinkles at the sterile scent of the room as I glance around feeling disoriented.

I try to move and an IV tugs at my wrist, and then like an avalanche the memories flood back in.

The doctor’s words still seem to hang in the air, suffocating me all over again.

INFERTILE.

My chest tightens, the sting behind my eyes unbearable. Tears bubble up, slipping over the edge.

Life seems determined to deal me its blows. I should be used to this by now—the disappointments, the relentless ache of not being enough. But it still cuts just as deep every time. The walls seem to close in, pressing down on me tighter with every breath I try to take. The room is too small, the air too thin.

Panic claws at me. I can’t stay here. I can’t breathe.

I stare at the IV, my chest rising and falling in erratic bursts. The first sob breaks through, raw and desperate. It tears from me without warning, leaving a hollow echo in its wake.

Memories claw their way forward. I can see Seth’s face, the way he used to smile at me. The way his hands felt against my skin, making me feel warm and secure. That was before I found out what he was capable of.

I close my eyes, but the images keep coming. Suddenly the mask falls, and his handsome face is now contorted in rage.

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