Page 39 of Enemies, Lovers & A Valentine's Baby

When Seth cheated on me all those years ago, I thought I had felt heartbreak. But this…this is on a different level.

This is just as much a physical pain as it is emotional.

The constant throbbing in my chest never seems to go away. I wonder if we’re born with a finite number of heartbeats.

If so, I’ve used up a big portion of mine.

I want to move, but every joint in my body feels like it’s set in stone. I should talk to Sue, to my family, but I can’t bring myself to tell them. Not yet.

How can I tell them that all the years of waiting to make sure I found the right man have made me run out of time?

That I can no longer bear my own children.

I don’t think I could bear the look of pity that would follow. It would be my breaking point from which there would be no return.

As much as they would try, there’s no way they could understand this soul-destroying reality.

No one can.

So instead, I sit there in silence, my hand still flat against my chest as I will my breathing to return back to normal.

Infertile.

That word seems to mock me.

The pity I saw in Dr. Saint’s eyes made me sick to my stomach. I didn’t want to believe any of it. I couldn’t.

So I ran, and I hid.

I’m still hiding.

My phone didn’t stop ringing those first couple of days. Dr. Vincent and Dr. Saint must have left me a hundred voicemails, but I couldn’t bring myself to listen to any of them. I already know what they’re going to say. My life is not over. Not being able to have kids does not change who I am.

They’re wrong though. It is in fact the end of my life as I know it.

My phone starts ringing again. Katie’s name flashes across the screen. I stare at it, contemplating whether to answer. I’ve ignored her last five calls, and I know she must be worried sick because I’ve never not responded to her calls.

Plus, I can’t let everything I’ve worked so hard to build go down the drain. Work is the only thing I have left now.

“Hi, Katie,” I say as soon as I pick up the call. My voice is dry and scratchy, sounding foreign even to my own ears.

“Oh my God, Lila! Are you okay? I must’ve called you a hundred times in the last couple of days. You haven’t been picking up. I was just about to drive over to your house and see what’s going—”

“No, no, don’t do that. I’m okay.” I cut her off quickly.

“Are you sure? Because you don’t sound so good,” she says suspiciously. I can picture the crease in her brows now. “It’s not like you to not return my calls.”

“Yeah. I’ve just been a little under the weather,” I respond, clearing my throat.

“Do you need to see a doctor? I can come get you and take you to the hospital if—”

“No, Katie, it’s just a cold,” I lie through gritted teeth.

“Are you sure? I’ve never known you to get colds,” she says, clearly not buying a word I just said.

“I guess there’s a first time for everything. Did you call for something specific, Katie?”

“Oh, um—last time we spoke you asked me to confirm with the florist when you could come see the order?”

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