Page 35 of Enemies, Lovers & A Valentine's Baby

“I’m 39. I’ll be 40 in a few months.” She does her best to hide it, but I feel anxious at the slight change in her expression.

“I know I’m getting older,” I say defensively, “but I’ve always been healthy, and there have never been any infertility issues in my family.”

“That’s good to hear.” She smiles.

“I’m going to start with something called an Anti-Mullerian hormone test. The levels of AMH in your blood will give an indication of your remaining egg supply. Low levels can indicate a reduced egg reserve, which may affect fertility,” she explains. “The good news is that we have an incredibly advanced testing lab on site, so we’ll be able to get the results back pretty quickly, most likely within an hour or so.”

“Okay,” I say nonchalantly, trying to breathe through the sudden tightness in my chest.

“Let’s get started, shall we?”

Between having my blood and urine samples taken, and waiting for the results, time seems to pass by very slowly. I sit in her office, watching her through the transparent glass wall that separates her office from the lab on the other side of it.

It seems like I’ve been waiting for days, but in reality, it’s been less than two hours when she finally comes back and takes a seat in front of me.

Finally! I can’t wait to get this over with.

“Lila, I have the results.” She pauses briefly, and something about her hesitation makes the hairs on the back of my neck start to lift.

“Unfortunately,” she continues slowly, “your AMH levels are very low. In fact, in my over three decades of doing fertility testing, it’s some of the lowest I’ve ever seen,” she says. “The reason it took a little longer is because I asked them to repeat it to be sure.”

My heart stops. Panic instantly shoots through my body.

What does that mean exactly?

“I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but your egg levels are basically nonexistent. It most likely means the onset of early menopause.”

“What?” I whisper. Blood rushes to my head, heart pumping so fast it feels like it’s going to explode in my chest.

“I wish I had better news to tell you, Lila, but based on these results, it would take a miracle for you to get pregnant naturally, and unfortunately, women with very low AMH are also likely to have a poor ovarian response to stimulation during treatments like IVF. I’m so sorry to have to say this, but unfortunately you wouldn’t be a candidate for IVF either.”

The blood runs cold in my veins, freezing me in place.

Silence.

Utter silence.

Followed by a powerful ringing in my ears that is sending painful tremors straight into my brain.

This can’t be real.

“I—I don’t understand,” I breathe, my shaky voice less than a whisper. There’s a bitter taste of bile in my mouth.

She’s still talking.

I know she is.

I know this because I can see her mouth moving, but I can’t hear anything through the ringing in my ears.

My entire body starts to tremble.

One fat tear breaks free. It feels unreal, like I’m outside my own body, watching myself break down.

Her voice continues to form words, but I can’t understand what they mean.

The look on her face is forever burned into my memory. She must’ve had to break this news to plenty of women before, yet it’s hard for her to look me in my eyes.

This is really happening.

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