Page 33 of Leah

“I know.” I repeated, nervously.

He shot me a bewildered look. “Why?”

I tilted my head to the side, letting him see the defeat in my eyes as I responded, “You know why.”

I didn’t have it in me to respond to those letters.

It wouldn’t be moving on if I kept a line of communication open.

There was only so much my bleeding heart could take at the time.

“Did you even read any of them?” he wondered.

It took me a few moments to muster the courage and weakly say, “No.”

He blinked several times at me in surprise, and then he said in a harder tone, “Well, if you haven’t read them by now, then just don’t.”

He looked back out into the night, and I let out a breath I’d been holding. “I wasn’t ignoring you maliciously,” I tried to explain. “I just—I wanted to read them when I was in a better place.”

“And you still haven’t.”

“No.”

“So you’re not in a better place.”

The day I’d be in abetterplace just kept getting further and further out of reach, it seemed. Pain never faded; you just found ways to distract yourself so you couldn’t feel it as much.

“I’m in a… different place,” I eventually said.

He frowned at that, and while it seemed like a vague response, I felt he understood what I meant; that you had to make do with the cards you’ve been dealt with.

“You been with anyone since I left?” he abruptly asked, not even blinking in my direction.

I hesitated, and he turned to me then, studying my reaction thoroughly. His face looked void of emotion. “Right,” he muttered, swallowing another mouthful. “Of course you have.”

“Carter—”

“Are you in a relationship now?”

My heart slammed in my chest, and for a split second, I wondered about telling the truth.

But then I might look vulnerable.

He would have all the control if he knew I was split wide open, and I didn’t know what he might do, especially staring at me the way he was.

“Yes,” I lied.

I needed to prove I was alright. For some reason, I wanted him to think I’d moved on, especially after seeing his girlfriend.I wanted it to be clear—to myself even—that I would never fall prey to his charms again.

He stilled, like it wasn’t at all what he’d expected to hear.

“What’s his name?” he then asked.

I took a moment before answering and thought of my last failed relationship. “Cole.”

His face twisted up. “How’d you meet?”

“School.”

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