Page 97 of Ink Deep Devotion

I grab his shoulders, forcing him to lie back.What happened when you were gone? What has broken you down so much that you’re handing me control?

He lays back but keeps his eyes closed. I’m scared to push him anymore, so I lay down beside him, curling into his side, trying to be the bigger spoon.

“How can you hate your heart? It gives you life.” I reply as I kiss his skin, and then I close my eyes, savoring this rare moment.

I know every step forward we take is followed by two steps back; slowly, though, we are making progress.

Chapter 33

Dash

There is a euphoric high when you jump from heaven.

Freedom.

Light.

The wind blasting under your wings catching you.

Then, you inch closer and closer to earth, and panic sets in.

The aftermath. Reality.

What have I done?

Why wasn’t jerking myself off enough? No, I had to come home, find her sleeping in my bed oncleansheets, tie her up, and break, shatter all over her.

I wanted to grab her, throw her over my shoulder, and run away like she always dreamed of.

How I wanted to savor that thought and make it a reality. But I had to wake up, roll away from her, and be the cold, heartless monster she still claims to love.

I know my little fox; she thinks she can keep this game up and survive the cold after I warm her. She won’t last long. Herheart still beats to a different tune that can’t match the cadence of the fucked up symphony that is my life.

Damian’s eyes stalk my every breath, watching too closely. I didn’t tell him I slept with Mila again. There’s no need. He and Titan can see the glow on my skin from her lingering touch.

It makes me feel nuclear, like at any second, the sickness from her radiation will make me combust.

“We can keep her safe,” Damian stresses as he grabs the car keys. It’s back to fake life again, pretending to go to school and act semi-normal until we have to do our fathers deeds again. At least on this last trip, we got to meet with our other brothers.

“Those words will haunt you the day you drive a shovel into the ground to bury her.” I sneer.

I don’t know how to stop this fear. It keeps me up, sickening my mind.

Can I love Mila openly?

My father did with my mother; he kept her safe until her own body turned against her.

Speaking of that, I’m going to schedule full body scans for Mila and myself every six months just to be safe.

“Dash, not everything in our lives ends in tragedy.” Titan gently touches my shoulder as we make our way to the car.

“Did you think that when you walked the burning rubble of Elsa’s house?”Practice what you preach, brother!

“I didn’t have you, Damian, or our other brothers then. I was a kid who listened to my dad and fucked up. Things are different now. Between all of us watching our backs, we will do our best to keep Mila safe. Wouldn’t you rather try than live a life like this?”He points to me, to my lackluster complexion and suffering flesh, to my tainted mind.

“You’re making yourself sick.” His fingers grip my biceps.“You’re making Mila sick, forcing her to change. Can you live with that?”

He drops his arm and joins Damian in the car.

---