Page 59 of Ink Deep Devotion

I feel completely adrift yet trapped, like a buoy chained to the ocean floor, forced to float and withstand the rising waters and thrashing waves.Damian extends his hand and places it on my thigh. I reach for his hand and weave our fingers together. Over the months, Damian has become my favorite person. We’re two peas in a pod, both hopelessly foolish. Damian is the brother I never had, the friend who will never blur the line. He’s a constant that keeps my feet grounded, not running away or towards Dash. Patiently waiting for Dash to fall so I can catch him this time.

I shouldn’t want to catch Dash, but when I saw that look of dread in his eyes as he watched me bleed, I knew he still loved me. He gathered up all the torn paper that our love was written on and caged it.

I want to break it free, tape it back together, and write something new.

Our love might be paper thin, so effortlessly bent and folded, but our desire and devotion to one another are ink-deep; it has spilled over, staining every aspect of our lives. There is no cleaning it, so we bear it, accept it, and wear it like a badge of honor. But it’s so terribly haunting, like a war both sides agreedto end—but the ink on the peace treaty is still wet, so neither of us is willing to drag up the memories.

So, how do we fix the future if we don’t acknowledge the mistakes of our past?

I’m not sure, so in the meantime, I hold onto hope. But I don’t want Damian to see my hope in case I fail, so I pester him with my doubts.“Leopards can’t change their spots, Damian.” Dash has linked our love with hate. It can’t be separated.

“True. Perhaps you should focus on outsmarting the leopard, rather than trying to change him.”

“What are you suggesting?”

Damian looks ahead.“Maybe,” he pauses,“maybe it’s time to make him jealous.”

“So, do what I hate seeing him do? I’m in this situation because when Dash left me last time, I hooked up with…Dom.” A shiver crawls up my covered arms, causing me to shut my eyes.

Damian squeezes my hand.“That’s not what I meant. I mean,” he heavily exhales,“start living without him. Start enjoying your classes and hold your head high again. Stop looking for Dash around every corner. It’s easy to watch someone suffer. Don’t make it easy for him, Mila. Show him you can enjoy life without him. That’s the stone that will sink him.”

He slows the car and turns down the street the gallery is on.“I… I don’t know how to be that girl.” Sure, she was always inside of me; I kept her hidden until Dash caught her tongue and forced her to sing for him. I used to be bolder and voice my opinions. Maybe I am changing; after all, I don’t dance anymore.

Can I continue to grow strong when it feels like the sun is hidden from my view?

“You have poison,”Dash once told me, so maybe I need to use it more. Maybe I need to be more like Dash. Take what I need in order to survive this cage we are trapped in.

Dash comes to my room, takes his sleep, then leaves. I can take from him then leave too!

I’ll try one more time, go toe to toe with Dash one more time because I know a love like ours is worth the fight.Or an even more tragic ending.

“Just try. There is nothing wrong with failing. That’s how you learn. Then try again and again until he is on his knees for you.” Damian smirks,“But don’t tell him I told you that, of course.” He winks.

If I somehow manage to make Dash love me again, then what? Would he run away with me?

“If you could go anywhere to escape this life, where would you go, Damian?”

“Don’t try to escape, Mila.” He responds sternly.

“I’m not. I’m just wondering where you would go?”

He replies without pausing,“To Aspen.”

That’s surprising.“Why? Do you ski?”

“No. King Corporation’s second largest office is located there.”

“Really?” Why isn’t that public knowledge?

“Yeah, but it’s a secret. It’s hidden under an umbrella company. We have a contract with the US military, and we manufacture weapons there.”

“So, why would you go there?”

“Because it’s my duty. I’ll go there after I graduate and oversee things.”

“But what if you didn’t have a duty? Where would you go?”

“I can’t think like that.”

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