Page 57 of Ink Deep Devotion

“You don’t need peace, just silence, no nightmares or outlandish dreams. Just sleep.”

“Fighting your fear is a battle you can’t win, Dash King. Fear wins every single time. One glance at fear renders you sightless; one touch taints your mind. You can’t fight it.”

“So it’s hopeless.” He whispers, making my heart thump in glee. I just need to keep him talking, whether it's wicked words or whispers of his anguish. As long as we keep talking, we can fix things.

“No. You have to ignore it. Walk away, grab onto hope, and move on.”

“This is me walking away,” he hisses.

I know his greatest fears are both loving me and losing me. If he continues to act as he does, his fears will come true. I roll onto my back and look up at the ceiling.“This is you staring your fear dead in the eyes, allowing it to consume you and destroy us.”

You can’t cage me and expect me to survive, Dash.

Chapter 20

Dash

It’s not something I want—it’s necessary.

I need oxygen to survive. I can’t resist inhaling.

I need to see Mila so I can close my eyes and try to sleep. Coming here is necessary.

Believe me, I gave it my all, even when I was exhausted; my face turned blue, and my heart screamed for my feet to stop. I tried not to come here.

But I needed to breathe and sleep, so I came.

I observe Mila drifting off to sleep, noting the gentle movement of her chest, and gaze at her small form tucked safely under the covers.

I inhale deeply, my heart hums, and then, after months of insomnia, sleep finally comes.

She wanted to turn on the lights and gaze into my eyes—me, the guy she broke—not the man everyone thinks I am, the man I am becoming.

I can’t allow that. I can’t show her that side of me again; I can only show her my ugliness and hope it sours her sweetness.

I wish it were different. I wish my last name weren’t King. We’d be two stupid kids who fell in love during high school and got married. She’d paint, likely struggling as a starving artist since true talent goes unappreciated these days. I’d work some insufferable job; they would work me to the bone, but it would all be worth it when I came home to Mila and, eventually, our kids.

If we were born into different families, it would have all been worth it.

Our lives are a constant game of chasing each other—me, the sun; her, the moon—an ethereal glow that haunts me, forever circling. No matter how hot I burn, pushing her away feels like an intolerable fire raging through my veins. Burning. Destroying me until I’m nothing but dried ink on shredded pages, soon to be turned to ash.

Night and day don’t matter, good deeds or sinful nature.

We can never be.

The sun and moon can’t share the sky at the same time; they will destroy everything, including themselves.Why can’t the silly love-sick moon realize the sun is just trying to save it?

My alarm wakes me long before Mila will. Carefully, I walk to the edge of her bed, risking her waking. I reach out and touch her hair—silk—a sweetness my murdering fingers don’t deserve.

Bending down, I let my lips touch her forehead as I close my eyes, wishing I had the willpower to ignore her.“I’m sorry, little fox; the only way to protect you is to hurt you. I don’t know how to fix it, how to guarantee your safety unless I show the world how much I loathe you. I just need you to know I don’tonly hate you. Yeah, I admit I hate you. How could I not after how your silly love for me makes me suffer? How it pulls at the broken strings of my heart, forcing it to play a tedious, torturous melody. I don’t just hate you, little fox, I…” I wish I could say it.

I love you. Love you so much that I’ll keep you far away.

I pull away but not before I snap a a picture of her sound asleep in bed.

Chapter 21

Mila

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